Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors Information - Issue #91
Trauma doesn't deserve the credit for who we are
Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues. If you’ve tried to follow the resources I share on social media and find that the algorithm has decided for you to not show you the things we post, this is the best way to get caught up each week.
For more information about me and why this newsletter exists visit the website - Child Abuse Survivor.
I wanted to highlight this post I wrote earlier this week because this is a constant source of irritation for me and many other survivors:
Learning how to be kind doesn't require a trauma history. Having a trauma history doesn't make you kind. The two are not one and the same.
I understand that childhood abuse impacts who I am at every level. That is true of any life experience. We are all incorporating new experiences into ourselves all of the time. Part of us is the sum of our experiences, but part of us is also our reactions to those experiences and the choices we make in life. Being abused as a child is my reality. Any positive personality traits I may have were my choices and a result of my work. The abuse didn't gift me with those things.
There was no gift involved in child abuse, no silver lining, and no reason for it to happen. It was abuse inflicted on me by another person. Period. That experience is part of me but not nearly the sum of who I am. I refuse to let anyone define me that narrowly.
Please don’t do this to people when talking about their trauma. If you think they seem especially thoughtful and kind, give them ALL of the credit for that. They deserve it.
How does it make you feel when someone says the “Trauma made you stronger or kinder, or more sensitive?”
New From the Blogs
When Trauma Response are Helpful - And When They Aren't.
In the big picture, the thing I know that I need to do is to be aware of when I'm in that mode and act accordingly. There can be some great benefits to hypervigilance and there can be some real downsides. If I'm aware of it, I can scan the environment as necessary without ignoring other important, but not dangerous, bits of information, and watch out for my own overreactions. I can consciously use the skill that I learned as a trauma survivor for my own good without it wrecking my day-to-day life or causing more anxiety.
It's a tricky line to walk, and I'll be the first to admit I don't always do it so well. If I'm honest, I'll even admit that being laid off has made this even harder. But I'm working on it.
Reviews Elsewhere - The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in Healing Trauma
There are certain books that I've seen discussed in the survivor community so often that it can be easy to overlook them when talking about recommendations for someone starting out on their healing journey. Bessel van der Kolk's book about healing from trauma, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in Healing Trauma, falls into that category.
Sharing - What the Advisory on Teen Social Media Use and Mental Health Missed
There is content available on the internet, and social media, that is dangerous for kids. There is also content available that is beneficial to kids. Protecting them from harm without killing off all of the positive things technology brings into their lives every day is not a simple task.
Shared From Elsewhere
It’s Pride Month, so I’ll be sharing some of these kinds of articles throughout June.
There may be some specific reasons for this, we should be figuring it out. - More Black Men Are Dying By Suicide. We Need To Address It.
Technology doesn’t have to make our mental health worse. - How to Use Tech to Help Heal Trauma for Improved Mental Health
How violence, abuse and neglect follows kids to adulthood
The results — which indicate a national crisis that requires urgent attention — show that more than 60 per cent of Australians experienced at least one of the five types of child maltreatment, and half of those children who experienced maltreatment went on to have a mental disorder, including depression, anxiety, severe alcohol use or PTSD.
5 Reasons Why It May Be Hard to Seek Support After Trauma - Only 5? Seriously though, if one of these is holding you back from asking for support, please reconsider.
Also filed under “Only 5?” - Depression Rates Higher Than Ever: 5 Things That Need to Change
There are a lot of cultural things around us that are contributing to the higher depression rates. Loneliness and isolation, violence and hatred, economic uncertainty, etc. We can’t ignore those things and expect to treat depression.
From the Archives
You deserve to set your own boundaries.
Link – Going Beyond Body Safety – Why Parenting Matters In Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse
Parenting matters. It doesn’t have to be perfect parenting, but kids who know they are cared for, respected, and accepted, are less likely to keep secrets, and secrets are where abusers live.
On a similar note - How to Protect Kids from Predators Without a Need For New Laws
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful to you, spread the word. That’s the best way you can say thank you for the effort I put in each week.
That's very true and something I've never given much thought to. Numerous times I've had comments made to me such as "you've come out stronger" or "its made you stronger and kinder" ?
I think they're all clichéd sayings when people don't really know how to respond to something?
But thinking about it, you're right. I became strong through my own will. I was already kind because I chose not to let it make me bitter.
Thank you x
In answer to the question posed.... Being described as 'strong' (not meant in offence to those that have said it) I'd rather it all hadn't of happened so there would be no need for me to be 'strong' as a result. (sorry, bit of a depressing response).