Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors Information - Issue #64
Surviving the Holidays
I’m sending this a little earlier this week due to the Thanksgiving Holiday in the US. Also, because this is that time of year, you will see that the first section of items under Shared From Elsewhere is all about surviving the holidays. So it only makes sense to send this today instead of waiting until Friday. If you know anyone else who is struggling with the holidays, please share this newsletter with them.
For myself, there are two thoughts about gathering for the holidays, or not. First, many times on my blog I have expressed that if you have nothing else to feel thankful for today, be thankful that you are alive and have hope that tomorrow, next month, or next year may bring you some other things you are thankful for. Keep doing the work, and keep healing.
The second is to be kind. There are a lot of people around us who’ve lived through trauma that we may know nothing about. We should treat them accordingly.
New From the Blogs
Sharing – What Happens When a Trauma Is Also a Betrayal
“In addition to the original betrayal, many survivors are then betrayed a second time when they are not believed or the abuse is minimized. When the people who should be protecting them refuse to see what is happening or refuse to believe that person that they trust would do such a thing, the child is betrayed by a second person, or a third, fourth, etc. Add in the fact that while these extra betrayals are happening it is also unlikely that the child is getting any assistance that could help alleviate PTSD with early interventions.
In short, the more betrayal, the more suffering. We all have a responsibility to, at the very least, not add to the betrayal.”
Sharing – How loneliness is killing men
“I have two takeaways after reading the rest of the article.
1. Difficult things seem easier when there is someone with us. The lack of friendships can make life seem more difficult than it really is. When life seems too difficult, we might be more likely to give up, or for the stress to have health impacts that lower our life expectancy.
2. The best thing you can do for someone struggling is simply showing up beside them.”
Shared From Elsewhere
This first group of items is dedicated to the holidays, and the difficulty this time of the year can present to abuse survivors, people grieving or just about anyone who’s holidays won’t look like a Norman Rockwell painting.
For Those Grieving Over the Holidays
“Grieving during the holiday season is a special kind of torture.”
Painful Holidays: Three Challenging Situations and How to Manage Them
“Holidays mean togetherness for family and friends for many, celebrating your most important relationships, enjoying good food and each other’s companionship. But for some, the holiday period can be a painful for a number of reasons. Not all families function well and bringing them together this time of year can be cause for preoccupation and anxiety.
There are also other ways this time of year can be activating. While many radiate holiday cheer and togetherness, some are struggling quietly. My therapy practice usually sees an uptick in client visits about now.”
My ‘Chosen Family’ Is the Best Holiday Gift of All
“You are not obligated to spend time with people who are toxic for you. Sharing blood does not require you put aside your safety and security to just meet others’ expectations of you. You owe them nothing. You owe yourself a lot.”
Finding your way through the holidays
7 Boundaries Adult Children Should Consider Setting With Their Parents
How to Navigate Grief During the Holidays
How to Thrive During the Holidays If Being Around Family Is Hard
5 Tips to Cope with Holiday Depression
What advice would you give others about surviving the holidays?
The non-holiday survival links:
“It seems important to say that I have struggled with mental health problems off and on for many years of my life. I am finding my way through and my hope is that you will too. This is my lifeline from me to you, you who are struggling to keep going and are getting relentlessly pulled under the weight of depression or anxiety. Here are the things that helped me survive.”
Need Mental Health Help But You Aren't In Crisis? Try A 'Warmline'
“Instead of using a hotline, this is a number you can call or text for free if you need to vent or be comforted. Here’s how it works.”
Linked – Why It’s Critical to Start Talking About Suicide in the Workplace
From the Archives
Preventing Suicide One Note, Email or Text at a Time
“After my breakdown, and attempt, the one thing I wanted more than anything from my friends, was to just treat me like they did before. As I was reading the article, it occurred to me that what I really wanted was just to know that someone, anyone, would notice if I wasn’t there. Instead, I got a whole lot of people who seemed like they might be relieved if I wasn’t there. My presence anywhere made them uncomfortable. They didn’t want to reach out, for fear of saying the wrong thing, or being in an awkward situation. That hurt.”
Want to Support Someone But Don’t Know How, Maybe Just Try “Plus-One”
“When you start a conversation, ask someone how their day is going on a scale of one to ten. Then ask them what you can do to “plus-one” that score?”