Revue newsletter for Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #5

New from the Blogs

What Does it Mean to Hold Space For Someone? — www.childabusesurvivor.net For me, I've always viewed holding space in terms of that word, safe. When I hold space for someone I'm not solving their problem, or questioning them. I'm simply letting them be. Whatever that might look like at that moment, and I'm making sure that they are safe. It means making sure that being in my presence, either in person or virtually, is a place where they are free to cry, vent, question, or whatever form of expression is needed to help at that moment. It means being the person who is simply there, listening, offering support, but above all else, keeping them safe, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. I also recognize how difficult that really is to do. Many of us weren't raised to "hold space", but to fix things. We see someone crying and our instinct is to fix, to do something to get them to stop crying, instead of simply giving them space to cry. Or we want to run out and correct instead of simply allowing people the space to tell their story safe from the worry of the person hearing it will overreact. This is so hard for us, we want to correct injustice, to fight for the people we care about, but sometimes by doing so, we eliminate their safe space to simply tell their story and stop listening to what they want from us. That is the opposite of holding space. How do you hold space for others, and for yourself?… Read More

Looking at Insurance Data to Identify What Works to Prevent Abuse in an Organization — www.childabusesurvivor.net This makes sense. Even something as common and necessary as background checks are only going to catch people who've already been caught before. It's a good thing to do, but it leaves that gap. What doesn't leave a gap is having policies and procedures in place that prevent anyone from being able to abuse kids when working with your organization. If being alone with a child is simply not acceptable for anyone, that closes those gaps. As the article goes on, that means rules like not giving kids gifts, not driving them home, etc. That's what works, and it has to just be the culture in the organization, no questions asked. Create that culture, and you're making the best effort to protect kids that you can make.… Read More

Sharing - Smashing Stigmas: From The Perspective of a Partner — www.childabusesurvivor.net Depression tells you that you are alone. Knowing that there are other people, lots of other people, also dealing with it helps. It also helps to have a constant reminder that someone is on your side in this and looking for ways to remind you that you are not alone. If someone close to you is dealing with depression, and feeling alone, the best thing you can do is just be in their corner, helping them find help and connecting them with other people who can be part of their support network. That's how we fight back against something telling us we are alone.… Read More

Sharing - How Mental Health Advocacy Helps Me Bridge Gaps — www.childabusesurvivor.net How often do I see people talking about "wanting to be an advocate" and waiting for someone to invite them to be some sort of official spokesperson as if that is what makes one an advocate. It's not. Advocates see holes and fill them. Sometimes that's volunteering to work with kids, sometimes it's telling your story, and sometimes it's just seeing the people around you dealing with child abuse or mental health and letting them know they aren't alone.… Read More

Sharing - How To Identify Grooming Predatory Behavior & Stop It — www.childabusesurvivor.net That's our blind spot. We're so busy looking for creepy, anti-social, stereotypes that we miss the charming abusers right in our midst, and we miss all the signs and hints that our kids might be dropping because we just didn't stop to consider that adult to be dangerous. We just assumed they were safe, and our kids would somehow know better anyway. Clearly, that strategy isn't working.… Read More

Why Did So Many Adults Minimize the Abuse in US Gymnastics? — www.childabusesurvivor.net So, when I look at a highly successful program like US gymnastics, like Penn State football, like USA Swimming, like English Youth Football, etc. I think we can clearly see this. Why be such a downer, don't you see how much good this program, and the people in it, are doing? It's probably nothing, just some misunderstanding by over-imaginative kids. Nothing to worry about, look at the success we are having in the field, gym, or water. That's what this is all about. That's the important thing. The rest of this will pass. Except in the case of US Gymnastics, these ladies, and dozens of others, have not simply let it pass. They have remained steadfast in talking about it, making sure they can do everything they can to make sure it doesn't happen to the next generation and reminding all of us that winning at all costs, is not worth the damage that is done to children who are sexually abused. They are truly resilient, like many of us who have survived sexual abuse, and gone on to talk about it, share our own stories, and live our adult lives. But never confuse that resiliency with how hard it really is to do. Never look at a survivor who has appeared to overcome their abuse, and assume that it's ok to diminish what happened to them. It's never easy, and for each one who might appear to have overcome, I'll show you 5 who are still struggling every single day. You'll find many of them in prison, or mental health care centers. Still dealing with the aftermath of their childhood trauma without access to the same support and resources that we lucky few have had the privilege to have. Yet they are all human beings, and they were all children once, children who had to suffer at the hands of adults who were more interested in their own pleasures, comfort, and place in their society than they were to consider the damage being done to these children. Don't be one of those adults. There are many ways to abuse a child. Larry Nassar did and is paying for his crimes, finally. But there were a whole lot of other adults who abused these girls, by not taking it seriously, not investigating, and not caring enough about them as human beings to protect them. Make no mistake about that.

Older Stuff from the Blog

Dangerous Reporting on Depression — www.childabusesurvivor.net Maybe you have seen the headlines in the past week or so about a new discovery, an almost instant cure for depression, sleep deprivation! Now, if you only

Quick Thought Number 4 - The Appreciation File in the Digital Age — www.childabusesurvivor.net Have you reached out and sent anyone a message telling them that you appreciate them recently? Way back in 2014 I wrote about having an appreciation file,

Sharing - Are You Hypervigilant? — www.childabusesurvivor.net Sound familiar? I know, for me, this is absolutely the truth, and even though I've done a ton of work to overcome this, and learn how to turn off this hyper vigilance, there are still times when it kicks in, like say during a pandemic. I've said it before, and I'll repeat it here. The last 16 months have forced everyone into being hyper vigilant. How do we suddenly turn that off? How exhausted are we from spending that much time constantly on the lookout for danger, and the worst case scenario? Personally, that exhaustion goes beyond any words I have to describe it. It reminds me very much of what it was like in my 20s when I only had the life skills I learned as a kid, which were mostly just responses to abuse, not healthy ways to live as an adult.… Read More

Why Suicide Prevention Week Is Important for Child Abuse Survivors — www.childabusesurvivor.net I've survived both childhood abuse, and a suicide attempt. I know what it feels like to believe that it will never get better, just as much as I know that it can get better because it has. Truthfully, you are a survivor, and the world needs you and your story. How else will the other survivors around you know what is possible?… Read More

Shared from Elsewhere

5 Reasons Affordable Mental Health Matters For Sexual Abuse Survivors | by Rachel Thompson | Sep, 2021 | Medium — rachelintheoc.medium.com Most people don’t get involved in a cause until it affects them or someone they love. That’s how our brains, and hearts, work. We can only take, and do, so much. Survivorship is mine. Here's why...

NIMH » My Mental Health: Do I Need Help? — www.nimh.nih.gov This fact sheet presents information about how to assess your mental health and determine if you need help. It provides examples of mild and severe symptoms, as well as self-care activities and options for professional help.

Childhood Trauma and Codependency: Is There a Link? — psychcentral.com Codependent behavior could be a response to early traumatic experiences, and you can make significant strides in overcoming it.

Linked: 1 in 3 Employees Might Quit "for the Sake of My Mental Health," Survey Shows — www.mikemcbrideonline.com The headline might not be news to many of my regular readers, but I also wanted to share this bit from the article below. I write a lot about poor

6 Things Therapists Wish You Knew | Psychology Today — www.psychologytoday.com What therapists want you to know before starting therapy.

Depression and insecure attachment might explain the link between child abuse and poor relationships in adulthood — www.psypost.org Results from an ongoing longitudinal study provide strong evidence that childhood maltreatment predisposes victims to relationship difficulties in ...