Revue newsletter for Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #4
Happy Friday, and Welcome to October!
New From the Blog
Sharing - Toxic Positivity: Harmful or Helpful — www.childabusesurvivor.net It's the insistence that everyone around you also is positive all the time, demanding "Good Vibes Only" as the article points out, that worries me. Because people in real pain, social issues that cause real harm, etc. are not good vibes. When a team was winning gold medals, no one wanted to do more than focus on that success, and repeated stories of abuse went ignored. Is our constant need for positivity forcing us to ignore racism, homelessness, abuse, and many other social issues that we need to do more than give passing support to on social media? Maybe most importantly, are there people in our lives right now hurting, who desperately need our support, who we are ignoring because they bring us down?… Read More
Video - How Trauma Affects Memory — www.childabusesurvivor.net I saw this video shared on Lauren's Kids Facebook page and wanted to share it here because I think what the folks who work at this Children's Advocacy Center have to say about childhood trauma, and what children remember is incredibly valuable. We often expect child abuse survivors, especially when the abuse was so recent, to remember the details, and be able to provide an exact timeline of events. When they struggle to do that it becomes a little too easy for us to start doubting that they are telling the truth, instead of understanding that this is exactly the way it's supposed to work.… Read More
Sharing - Why telehealth for mental health care is working — www.childabusesurvivor.net It's all about flexibility. As the article below points out, online appointments don't work for everyone. They do require a stable and fast internet connection for video, and not everyone has that. On the other hand, they also point out that not everyone has transportation to a therapist's office, time away from work to regular travel to appointments, or the ability to get the whole family, for example, transportation to the same location. For those folks, the switch to Telehealth that the pandemic thrust upon all of us is proving to be a godsend because they have something that was inaccessible to them previously. Even as others need a place to meet with a therapist, or simply connect better in person.… Read More
Older Stuff From the Blog
Sharing - Childhood sexual abuse: Mental and physical after-effects closely linked — www.childabusesurvivor.net The study looked at the fact that among girls who had been sexually abused, there are marked increases in mental health diagnosis, and also physical health issues like urinary tract infections, etc. I think either of these is a possibility, … Read More
Practice Setting Boundaries — www.childabusesurvivor.net I like the fact that they not only offer concrete things to say but also some background on how to define your own boundaries and what that means. I know for may survivors, we have to first address the core issue, the elephant in the room, before we can start the practice, so let me just go ahead and say that: You deserve to set your own boundaries. Full stop. Let that sink in, let it rattle around in your brain, keep reading it until you believe that about yourself. Then, go take a look at the practical examples of doing that. What boundaries do you struggle with? What has helped you do better at maintaining them?… Read More
Sharing - Lean on Your Support System When You're Anxious — www.childabusesurvivor.net It's grounding. It doesn't solve the thing I'm anxious about, but it stops the cycling, and allows me to focus on the reality of the situation, which is usually not nearly as bad as I've made it out to be. But, it also assumes that I have someone to talk to about it. This is really the challenge for far too many people, who don't have anyone to talk to. Can you be the person who just listens? I'm willing to bet someone in your life could really use that.… Read More
Reading - How Your Story Can Save Someone's World — www.childabusesurvivor.net “In this magnificent digital age there are so many avenues to be a peer mentor or a healthcare product reviewer that don’t begin and end with Yelp or Amazon. You want to make a difference and help change the world … Read More
What We Really Need is Compassion — www.childabusesurvivor.net I see this a lot in our communities as well. Again, empathy when dealing with an individual child, or supporting a loved one with a mental health struggle is great, but trying to feel the pain of all of the abuse survivors we are likely to come across in the world online, is a sure way to overwhelm yourself and burn out. I've seen it over and over again. Much like COVID-19, these issues are global, and huge. Trying to take on that much pain is an impossible task, and isn't actually going to be helpful. Much better, is to develop compassion. As the guests on the show discuss, compassionate emotions push us to act. That act, helping others, does more good for them, but is also good for us. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, and shutting down, we are taking some small amount of control over the situation, and acting on it in a way to helps. We become the helpers that Mr. Rogers so famously talked about. Being a helper, makes us happier. It sets aside our own anxiety and struggle to do something, which is always a good way to move beyond those things. So, the question may be not only what are you doing to take care of yourself during this time of great anxiety, but what are you doing to help others?
TED Talk By A Cancer Survivor - Does Being a Survivor Define You? — www.childabusesurvivor.net This TED talk by Debra Jarvis is about being a cancer survivor, but I think the ideas presented have a lot to offer for abuse survivors as well. Sometimes it’s easier to stay a “survivor”, and allow that to be … Read More
The Struggle of Getting Affordable Mental Health Care — www.childabusesurvivor.net We often talk about the mental health care system being broken when it comes to treatment and patients, but I think this article opens our eyes a bit to the fact that it's broken for providers too. Is it any wonder we have such a shortage of providers? Who would volunteer for this? We should be thankful for the people who do!
Shared from Elsewhere
10 Mental Health Podcasts That Will Help You Feel Seen (and Teach You Something, Too) — www.popsugar.com Have you ever been in the midst of an anxiety spiral, and someone just hugs you or holds your hand or breathes with you to help you feel calm and safe? Knowing
Child Sex Abuse | Helping A Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused | Herman Law — hermanlaw.com If you find out a child has been sexually abused, it’s important to ensure the child feels safe before determining how to help them. You can call a helpline, utilize helpful resources, or contact an attorney for legal advice.
TikTok Creators Are Destigmatizing Men’s Mental Health — www.webmd.com One TikTok user is helping to destigmatize men’s mental health by being open about his own.
Linked: Should employers provide mental health training for management? — www.mikemcbrideonline.com The one that gives me pause is the last bullet, but not because leaders shouldn't have that knowledge, but more because human nature tells me that is the one most likely to be misused and create really uncomfortable situations. There's a very fine line between being aware of signs of someone struggling and diagnosis. I absolutely do not want anyone in the workplace diagnosing people. Watch out for signs of stress and ways you can support the folks who work for you proactively? Sure. Decide for yourself that they have depression, or should be referred to an Employee Assistance Program? Not so much. But, here's the thing I will fully admit when saying this. Avoiding this type of behavior is absolutely something that solid mental health training should be a part of. I've heard far too many instances lately where organizations are reading a lot about mental health, and burnout, in the workplace and then dispatch their managers to have conversations with their teams about it, and zero training. Those conversations are dangerous. You have to enable your leaders to go into those conversations with some education and expertise on the subject Just telling them to go and have the conversations without getting them up to speed on how to do so, creates a situation that is likely to end up with some very alienated employees.