Revue newsletter for Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #21
There have been a lot of really good links showing up on my radar this week. I hope some of them resonate with you as well, or you'll consider sharing them with your friends!
New Stuff From the Blogs
Trauma Upon Trauma - Reading about Lauren Book's Experience with Stolen Images — www.childabusesurvivor.net As you might imagine these sorts of activities are severely traumatizing, and Lauren's response in the article I linked makes that clear. I also want to address the more subtle trauma here though. That trauma comes from those of you who will read this story and immediately respond "well she shouldn't have been taking those photos". I want to be very clear here. That statement is 100% blaming the victim. This is the same exact thing as saying a woman shouldn't have walked alone at night, or had a drink, or a child shouldn't have been so friendly with strangers, etc. Lauren didn't do anything wrong. What she and her husband do inside of their marriage is none of our business, no laws were broken, nothing untoward was going on. She was just a wife living her life and she was hacked. The person who stole these photos was the one breaking the law. The people sharing and selling those photos were breaking the law. Save your moral outrage for them and the people requesting to have these photos used to create fake rape videos because she was a rape victim. Anyone who can read the entire story and walk away indignant more at her for having taken photos that were perfectly legal and a personal choice instead of the people who have violated her are simply violating her again.
Why do we get Stressed About Replying Quickly? — www.childabusesurvivor.net My first thought, obviously, was about the workplace and the culture we have created there that rewards being "always-on" but I think so much of this pressure permeates beyond work. As technology has become commonplace we all live with this pressure and this expectation. Think about it, how many times in a given week are you apologizing to friends and family because you couldn't get back to them right away? I do it all the time. Heck, I've gotten text messages while having lunch or dinner with a friend, catching up with someone I haven't gotten to see much for the last couple of years, and then apologized for doing that and being unavailable. Why? That makes no sense but we live in a culture where being connected to technology all the time also means that we should be responsive all the time. Or at least we feel like we should. Frankly, that's a lot of pressure.
Sharing - Being Kind to Yourself — www.childabusesurvivor.net I know this is a struggle for me. I notice every mistake I make. I dwell on them much longer than is healthy. When I do something well, even to the point of getting complimented? I forget it relatively quickly. That's not a good balance. I know I'm not alone in that. So what do I do?
Sharing - Why Mourning for the Self Is a Necessary Part of Healing — www.childabusesurvivor.net It's the step where you can truly understand at the deepest level that what happened was not your fault. Many a survivor will say that without ever really feeling it, and you can tell because they will say that and immediately begin talking about how weak or needy they were as a child. As if that explains why they were abused, when in fact the only explanation necessary is that someone decided to abuse them.
Sharing - Lack of Access to Mental Health Treatment Reduces Lifetime Income — www.childabusesurvivor.net Look, we know that untreated mental health issues impact people's lives in many ways. Would the lack of treatment at 20 for bipolar make a huge difference in lifetime income? Of course, it would impact the ability to even finish college successfully and that would then continue to impact things significantly. Would the need to take leaves of absence or go to work every day with depression and no access to help for that cause you to be less successful? Again, statistically, I think that would be obvious that it happens more times than not.
Shared from Elsewhere
Why You Should Never Tell Someone To “Get Over” Their Mental Illness — www.readunwritten.com When someone opens up to you about their mental illness or trauma, don’t invalidate it by telling them to let it go or just get over it.
'I Don't Want To Be A Burden': On Black Men, Suicide And How To Be A Safe Space — www.essence.com Two experts speak on the ways Black men suffer in silence, why that is, and how to be of support to the guys in your life.
The War In My Mind: Fighting Anxiety — Authentically Emily — www.authenticallyemily.uk Anxiety is not just an emotion for me. It's a daily state of being. It's a feeling that lives within me that I can't quite describe. It never goes away. I don't know what life is like without anxiety as a companion. I don't know what it's like to not be at war with my mind. I can't trust my own rec
Trauma-informed care in mental health: what should it look like — www.nationalelfservice.net Trauma-informed care - Aneta Zarska on research showing what TIC should look like, by asking people with experience of mental health difficulties.
4 Ways Childhood Trauma Can Affect Adults | Psychology Today — www.psychologytoday.com When we bury our feelings, we bury who we are.
How to Cope with Feeling Off and Getting Back to Your ‘‘Normal’’ — psychcentral.com It's natural to feel off some days, but if you think you have for a long time now, here's what it could mean and how to cope.
Coping with the Emotional Whiplash Being Caused by the Pandemic — thetreatmentspecialist.com We have been in a constant state of emotional whiplash due to the pandemic.but there are things we can do to help manage it.
Healing From Trauma Means Cleaning Up the Mess You Didn’t Make | The Mighty — themighty.com Andee uses cleaning up after a bad house party you had no part in to describe what it's like to heal after years of trauma.
12 Books to Help With Anxiety | Book Riot — bookriot.com Nonfiction books to help with anxiety can truly provide a lifeline if you're dealing with anxiety and other issues. Find our recs here!
From the Archives
Sharing - Trying to Stay Optimistic Is Doing More Harm Than Good — www.childabusesurvivor.net We talk often about how to support someone who is struggling, and in those conversations, we talk about spending less time worrying about what to say, and more time just being present. On the other hand, there are absolutely things you should not say, and if you find yourself starting sentences with "At least", I want you to reconsider.
Sharing - Angry All the Time? Your Problem Might Be Depression Not a World Full of Idiots — www.childabusesurvivor.net I have experienced this myself, and have witnessed it in others. “Picture a person with serious depression. Did you imagine someone with low mood and lower energy struggling to get out of bed? That’s the popular image of people battling depression, but according to the experts writer Nell Greenfieldboyce speaks to, that’s only one way...
A Good Reminder - Take Your Meds — www.childabusesurvivor.net I came across this post on the Being Beautifully Bipolar blog this weekend and I thought it really served as a reminder for many folks who are currently