From the Archives Jan. 30
Bonus edition on the off week
You may be surprised to see me in your inbox this week, since the newsletter is sent every two weeks. This should be an off week.
I’m trying something a little different.
When I changed to every other week, which has been great for my stress level, by the way, the last section of the newsletter, where I share a couple of posts from the archives, has been giving me fits.
I’m often cutting it short to avoid making the email too long, and I feel like I’m simply cramming it at the end for no particular reason.
I’ve got 24 years' worth of blog posts that, frankly, deserve better treatment. I also share a lot of links in those posts that might benefit those of you who weren’t around when they were originally posted. So, if you’ll indulge me, I’m going to experiment with sending out links from the archive on the off weeks instead of cramming it at the end of each newsletter.
I hope you find something helpful and supportive during the difficult times we are living in.
Connection Matters - An Example
As I read this, I couldn’t help but compare it to the hundreds of stories where the opposite was true. People are so afraid of saying the wrong thing or so uncomfortable with the idea of mental health issues that they run the other way. They disconnect from someone who so desperately needs connection. Someone they love is feeling all that embarrassment and pain and no longer has anyone to connect to and remind them of their value, their humanness.
Looking back at the Romans, the gladiators, slaves, Jews, Christians, and others who were killed in the arenas simply weren't real people. They might as well have been television characters, for all the typical Roman citizens knew about them or interacted with them. So, since these weren't "people" in the same sense as the people I work with, live with, and interact with, it was easy to start to explain away treating them as less than human.
How we show up for other people matters. We can provide a place of safety in which they can heal and flourish. Too often, we don't, though. We don't know what to do, so we don't show up. We don't understand the importance of showing up, even if it's not perfect, just to let people know they are not alone in difficult situations. Everything is more challenging when you go through it alone, so show up for your people.
Why Public Speaking Skills Could Help Us with Tough Conversations
The decision to share your story is terribly difficult and very personal. Your choice is who you tell when you tell, and how you tell. This post is about "tough" conversations, one of the toughest you can have. That's why I want you to consider it seriously enough to go in with a plan, be aware of how tough it is on both sides, and let the other person struggle with it. I also want anyone on the receiving end to understand how much effort it took for that survivor to come to you and for you to take their role seriously.
Link - Why kids are so good at keeping abuse a secret
One of the easiest ways to dismiss a survivor is to openly wonder "why it took so long to come forward", without any understanding that coming forward is the exception, not the norm. Many, many victims never come forward at all, and most who do come forward do so well after the fact. That's normal, not immediately rushing to tell someone.