Child Abuse Survivors - Issue #3

New From the Blog

Why Did So Many Adults Minimize the Abuse in US Gymnastics? — www.childabusesurvivor.net So, when I look at a highly successful program like US gymnastics, like Penn State football, like USA Swimming, like English Youth Football, etc. I think we can clearly see this. Why be such a downer, don't you see how much good this program, and the people in it, are doing? It's probably nothing, just some misunderstanding by over-imaginative kids. Nothing to worry about, look at the success we are having in the field, gym, or water. That's what this is all about. That's the important thing. The rest of this will pass. Except in the case of US Gymnastics, these ladies, and dozens of others, have not simply let it pass. They have remained steadfast in talking about it, making sure they can do everything they can to make sure it doesn't happen to the next generation and reminding all of us that winning at all costs, is not worth the damage that is done to children who are sexually abused. They are truly resilient, like many of us who have survived sexual abuse, and gone on to talk about it, share our own stories, and live our adult lives. But never confuse that resiliency with how hard it really is to do. Never look at a survivor who has appeared to overcome their abuse, and assume that it's ok to diminish what happened to them. It's never easy, and for each one who might appear to have overcome, I'll show you 5 who are still struggling every single day. You'll find many of them in prison, or mental health care centers. Still dealing with the aftermath of their childhood trauma without access to the same support and resources that we lucky few have had the privilege to have. Yet they are all human beings, and they were all children once, children who had to suffer at the hands of adults who were more interested in their own pleasures, comfort, and place in their society than they were to consider the damage being done to these children. Don't be one of those adults. There are many ways to abuse a child. Larry Nassar did and is paying for his crimes, finally. But there were a whole lot of other adults who abused these girls, by not taking it seriously, not investigating, and not caring enough about them as human beings to protect them. Make no mistake about that.

Sharing - Create Support Network — www.childabusesurvivor.net These are all possible, they don't require one person to fix things, which is where I suspect many of us get stuck. We want to support a loved one, or friend, who is struggling and in need of support, but that looks like a lot, probably more than we can handle. Frankly, it is more than you can handle, that's why we all need the larger network. It only makes sense!… Read More

Older Stuff From the Blog

Sharing - When in Doubt, Show Up, by Connie Schultz — www.childabusesurvivor.net This article is about losing her brother to suicide, but I think this message speaks to all of the things we go through that cause people to not know what to say, depression, child abuse, sexual assault, etc. I am … Read More

Is Music Helping You Get Through? — www.childabusesurvivor.net Speaking, again, for myself, when I get frustrated with world events, work, or whatever might be irritating me beyond belief at the moment, a good bit of loud music can help me express that and just get it out of my system so that I can then continue on with my life. I find myself getting more and more irritable if I haven't found a way to express the frustration that I may be feeling at any particular time until it eventually shows up in maybe ways I would rather it doesn't. So, when I find myself getting more and more frustrated, out come the headphones, and a little punk rock, until I feel better.  And, really, there is a lot to be frustrated about in the world right now, let alone our individual lives. If some loud music helps me deal with that, so be it. So, let's at least fill our lives with some music. It certainly can't hurt.  What impact does music have on your own emotional well-being? Have you thought about the role it could play in self-care?… Read More

Link - How do you heal from parents who hurt you? — www.childabusesurvivor.net These sound so familiar to me as a survivor, and someone who has heard the stories of many other survivors, and adult children of alcoholics. “As a therapist, I’ve heard hundreds of stories of children, now adults, who suffered terribly … Read More

Steps to Healing My Knee, The Same As Trauma — www.childabusesurvivor.net So, recently I had a little mishap while picking up my luggage from the baggage claim carousel. It's been diagnosed as damage to the meniscus of my left

How We Talk to Ourselves Matters — www.childabusesurvivor.net As you read the rest of the article you'll see how self-distancing conversations look a lot more like those conversations with friends I referenced earlier. Getting away from all of the "I" and "me" and fairly judging the situation quietly and calmly as if it was happening to someone else can put it into a perspective that we sometimes lose when we are thinking of ourselves, especially those of us who struggle with self-blame. Of course, then that self-blame turns to rumination which feeds into depression, and round and round we go.  There is a better way, and the examples given can help if we are willing to practice them. Especially the idea of reminding ourselves that we've already been through tougher, and more stressful situations and come out the other side.… Read More

From Elsewhere

'Men are not given skills to talk about being abused' — www.702.co.za Refiloe Mpakanyane talks to MatrixMen South Africa founder Martin Pelders about what the organisation does to help sexually abused men.

Too many men ignore their depression and other mental health issues - The San Diego Union-Tribune — www.sandiegouniontribune.com The number of men with mental illnesses who suffer in silence is likely far higher than we know, expert says. Here's how to get help.

How to Be There for Yourself While Caring for Others - Active Minds — www.activeminds.org During National Recovery Month, I’m thinking of those who have succeeded in overcoming their addiction, those who are on the long path to recovery, and those who haven’t quite made that choice yet, but hopefully will someday. When you have a loved one living with addiction, watching them struggle can be devastating. Although I haven’t...

The best books for older kids who worry too much - Shepherd Discover the best books on for older kids who worry too much. Dawn Huebner and other experts share the best books on every topic you can imagine.