Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #178

When we can't remember the details -it's not because we're making it up.

Photo by Robina Weermeijer on Unsplash

One particular article has stuck with me this past week. It’s this one:

How Trauma Reshapes Thinking, Memory, and Response

Notably, this section:

Trauma memories are usually disorganized and fragmented in contrast to ordinary memories, which are normally stored in coherent narratives. The hippocampus is the brain’s key structure for storing and contextualizing memories. It may become impaired during a highly stressful event (“Stress: Concepts, Cognition, Emotion, and Behavior,” 2016).

Consequently, the memory might not be recorded in the form of a linear narrative with a beginning, middle, and end. Rather, it can be documented as an isolated sensory experience. This can be a sound, a smell, a visual image, or a physical experience that lacks a distinct chronology or context.

The survivor may have gaps in their account when describing the experience. Their story may sound disjointed or focus on seemingly irrelevant sensory data. They may be able to recall a specific item of information, such as the pattern on a wallpaper, with certainty, but not recall how long the event lasted or what happened afterwards. This is characteristic of traumatic encoding of memory, not deception; yet, it can be devastatingly misinterpreted by those who lack this understanding.

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

One common complaint I’ve seen about books written by survivors is that they don’t follow a straightforward timeline. It’s hard to follow the details of what happened to them. It’s also one of the common reasons that people give for not believing a survivor when they share their story.

What they fail to realize is that the brain doesn’t work that way. In the midst of being abused, our brains weren’t taking clear notes in an effort to get all the details correct in the future, like we would prepare for an exam. They were a bit distracted doing whatever the fuck they could to survive what was happening!

Thus, the details get muddled. The timeline isn’t clear. If anything, that should make a survivor more believable, because that’s precisely what we should expect from a traumatized brain.

Something to consider the next time you want to dismiss a survivor because their story doesn’t fall into a neat timeline.

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New from the Blogs

Sharing - Why Deprivation May Be More Damaging Than Trauma in Childhood

Why would a kid growing up in poverty, without enough food, and without the social support to succeed in school, feel any different about themselves as they enter adulthood? There’s a connection there; good mental health is hard to find when the entire world tells you you’re less-than.

Worth Reading - Learning AI Feels Like a Second Job

It’s no wonder that people are burning out professionally. Every week, there are new things to learn, changes to deal with, strategies to reconsider, projects on deadlines, etc. We don’t often get a chance to simply do the work, let alone rest.

Sharing - Strange Healing is Still Healing

You Can’t Be Who You Were Before The Abuse

I often say that I was nine when my sexual abuse started, younger than that when I was being physically abused. I can’t go back to being a nine-year-old. That doesn’t make any sense. Even if you were abused at an older age, trying to go back doesn’t make much sense either. How do you take the things you’ve done to survive and all of the new knowledge you have and go backwards from there? Why not embrace the fact that you are moving forward into something new?

Sharing - Half a million Australians lack access to needed mental health services

As I’ve said many times, I want to teach people that it’s ok to reach out, which means that I also need to advocate for the resources to be available when someone does!

Related - Why You Still May Not Get Help — And How We Fix The Inequality In Mental Health Care.

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Shared from Elsewhere

More proof that lacking access to mental healthcare is deadly: - Severe mental illness shortens lives more than smoking or obesity, study shows - How much money have we spent encouraging better nutrition or smoking cessation compared to mental health?

I want to say this is timely, but I’m also starting to think it will always be timely:

Your guide to prioritizing your mental health when living through yet another historical event.

Some suggested reading - 2025 Books for Survivors: Transform Your Journey.

Also, these are cool - Artist Draws Wholesome Watercolor Comics Where A Cat Is Giving Out Mental Health Advice.

How to Break the Cycle of Fear, Doubt, and Backtracking That Keeps You Stuck.

Celebrate all of your wins! - The Comfort of Small Wins: Why Celebrating Tiny Victories Builds Big Confidence

You may not think there are benefits, but I know from my own experience that routines can allay much of my anxiety, and having some allows me to save my energy for the non-routine things that come along without becoming overwhelmed:

The mental health benefits of routine

Understanding Grief: Models That Help Us Make Sense of Loss - as always, we need to talk more about grief so we can begin to realize that there are many ways people grieve.

Making a Difference:

• Former Jockey Eurico Rosa Da Silva Supporting Mental Health Healing With Horses

• Marilyn Badillo shares message of resilience and mental health

• Bryce Young’s Sneaker Ball Gala supports mental health initiatives

• Championing men’s mental health is this local artist’s platform

• Jersey man shares mental health experiences to help others

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From the Archives

Some Conversations Are Easier Online

So when you see someone share something on social media about their mental health, and your response is to wonder why they didn’t just talk to you about it, remember how much harder that is. Maybe they aren’t ready yet, or you just haven’t done enough to earn that trust. Consider how many people in your life may be dealing with very difficult things they just haven’t told anyone about yet.

Preventing Suicide One Note, Email, or Text at a Time

After my breakdown and attempt, the one thing I wanted more than anything from my friends was just to be treated like they did before. As I was reading the article, it occurred to me that what I really wanted was to know that someone — anyone — would notice if I weren’t there. Instead, I got a whole lot of people who seemed relieved that I wasn’t there. My presence anywhere made them uncomfortable. They didn’t want to reach out, for fear of saying the wrong thing or being in an awkward situation. That hurt.

Quick Thought Number 5 - Most People Have Been Traumatized

One, Taryn is right. If we look at the various statistics covering child abuse, domestic violence, victims of crime, military service members, sexual assault, etc., we have to conclude that the vast majority of people have experienced trauma and would benefit from being treated with appropriate kindness.

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.