Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #168
The Surviving Ohio State documentary only proves how much we don't understand when it comes to male victims of sexual assault.
If you haven’t seen the Surviving Ohio State documentary, the filmmakers do a good job of explaining what happened, getting multiple stories from victims and others who were involved at Ohio State at the time, and even get some archival footage of coaches and Ohio State officials who declined to be involved with the documentary.
If you’re not familiar with the story, I’ve written about it before, when Sports Illustrated asked the obvious question. Why aren’t we talking about this more?
I suspect the obvious answer hasn’t changed. Big, athletic young men couldn’t possibly be victims of sexual assault.
Which only goes to prove that we don’t understand the power dynamics at play with sexual assault, and we don’t hold people to the same standards when they do nothing, because most of us would do the same.
Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.
For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.
Toward the end of the show, you see screenshots of message after message from people who don’t believe any of this is valid. Most of them repeat the same message - no way these big guys were forced to do anything.
I hope that people who watch the interviews with those men can understand what was happening. That they didn’t get to compete unless the doctor cleared them. He had the power to take away everything they had worked for and potentially their scholarship. That coaches and administrators saw the doctor hanging around the locker room and showering with the players, and shrugged it off.
They were given a clear signal that making any trouble would only end badly for them. Years later, as they attempt to hold the University accountable for what happened and to take steps to prevent it from happening again, it becomes clear that it’s still ending badly for them. They are not believed, ridiculed, and are left to watch the men who were once heralded as great coaches go on with their lives as if nothing happened.
To understand how little we truly comprehend, consider this.
When we discovered that Joe Paterno likely knew about Jerry Sandusky showering with boys, pre-teens, and teens, and didn’t do enough to stop it, he was terminated from Penn State.
When we learned that an Ohio State assistant wrestling coach likely knew about a team doctor showering with 18-19 year olds, touching them sexually during exams, drugging them, and even raping them, and did nothing to stop it, people in Ohio keep electing him to the US House of Representatives.
Jim Jordan is a current ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee, and has won 10 elections to the House seat. There is little doubt he will continue in that role because we don’t take what happened at Ohio State seriously.
We have also sent a clear message to every male victim of abuse: unless you were very young, we don’t believe you were abused.
And we wonder why male survivors don’t tell anyone for decades.
New from the Blogs
Sharing - How to Really Make America Great: By Confronting the Forbidden Issues
Again, I'll say it. You can't solve the problems that exist and create risks for traumatized children when you don't acknowledge the trauma. How can someone dealing with discrimination, hate, poverty, etc., get assistance when we won't recognize that those things exist?
Sharing - I was a child abuse detective - here are five things I want you to know
Because if they don't learn it from you, they will hear about it from these sources. Is that where you want your kids to learn about sex? If you wait too long, you're not protecting their innocence as much as you are creating an opening for someone else to teach them a worse version.
We know that kids who can access mental health support during traumatic childhoods fare significantly better in every aspect than kids who are unable to do so. If we want to do something about not only the youth mental health crisis, but also future adult mental and physical health issues, one of the best things we could do is invest in support systems for children.
Worth Reading - To Change Your Life, Start With Your Algorithm
My advice to you is to find content that gives you hope, even if it's just something that makes you laugh. We need more of that and a lot less outrage.
Sharing - What is the halo effect, and why does it matter?
Assuming that we know abusers when we see them is a dangerous game. Abusers get away with their behavior because they know how to mix in society, how to charm, and how to influence people to believe them. Victims often don't have that going for them and are less likely to get the benefit of the doubt. Until we understand our biased thinking, we will continue to make this mistake, and. victims of abuse will be unlikely to be believed.
Sharing - The Hidden Cost of Having It All Together
I'm going to let you all in on my secret. I rarely feel like I have it all together. I know many of you are in the same boat. We go to work and pretend like we do, and maybe this is why we all feel like we have impostor syndrome, too, because we don't always feel the same as the people who always seem to have it together.
I bet you can think of two or three people you interact with every week that you consider to have it all together. I'd also bet that if we could get inside their minds, they don't feel like they do, just like the rest of us.
Shared from Elsewhere
Before we reach the end of June, the LGBTQ community is facing this: the Trump administration plans to end the 988 suicide prevention specialized service for LGBTQ+ youth in July.
What can we do?
Why Being an Ally to the LGBTQ+ Community Matters — Especially in Mental Health
Keep Your Friends Close and Support Group Closer: Peer Resources in LGBTQ+ Mental Health
Men’s mental health Month includes this too - Men’s Mental Health and the LGBTQ+ Experience: Healing starts with being heard.
Also, Men’s mental health still carries stigma, experts say it’s costing lives
June is also PTSD Awareness Month - Mental health workers want people to know there is hope during PTSD Awareness Month.
Why not grab a copy? - Free Printable Positive Affirmation Cards to Combat Social Anxiety
If you’re privileged enough to look at art, there are worse ways to spend your time - Art as medicine: Viewing paintings helps mental health, study finds
We could use more of this - 7 Books (and 1 Paper) on How to Have Better Relationships.
A couple of good reads:
Making a Difference:
Guardians' Steven Kwan hosts chess tournament for mental health
Indigenous band Khu.éex' shares powerful music for mental health
The Suicide Machines confront mental health & trauma on "Never Go Quietly"
From the Archives
Anxiety and Depression as an Evolutionary Response to Adversity
We evolved to feel depression and anxiety in response to difficult experiences because it serves a purpose. We've also evolved to depend on each other as a community. One without the other is going to go poorly for us, and I fear that is precisely where we are now. The significant increases in rates of depression and anxiety, not to mention what seems like our complete inability to make a dent in the rates of suicide in the US, might just be because of this imbalance.
Be good to each other and stay connected. It's what we need most in times of adversity.
Career Advice That Is Relevant to Healing as Well
So, fellow survivors, start collecting cards, notes, and emails that thank you for something. Then on the rough days, go back through the stack and remind yourself of all the good you have done, and continue to do, all the worth you have, and all the value you bring to others. Also, make sure you're letting people know the value they have, so they can start building their file!
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.