Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #166
Closing Mental Health Month - A lot of talking but which voices are still silent?
As we close out Mental Health Month, you may notice a number of links in this issue that highlight efforts to talk openly about mental health by individuals in sports, music, and other communities, as well as recommendations for anyone struggling, and a focus on sharing.
Yet, I also came across this headline:
A third of the UK keeps silent on mental health
A third of people in the UK prefer to keep silent about their mental health rather than risk an awkward conversation with others
Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.
For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.
As refreshing as it is to see all of the coverage of mental health this month, there is much work left to do if that many people are afraid of the awkward personal situations that will arise from talking about mental health.
I’m afraid the UK isn’t alone in this.
This is what happens at the individual level every day. Sure, it’s great that there is a lot of coverage and normalization of mental health struggles in the media, but what do the people around me say about mental health? Do they talk about it at all? If they talk about it, are they using dismissive language that indicates they would not be supportive?
If I’m surrounded by people who make light of mental health issues, refuse to take it as a serious issue, or distance themselves from someone they suspect might have any issue, I’m going to be reluctant to talk about it to them.
What this survey should prompt us to think about is whether our environment is a safe one to talk about mental health, because all the famous people in the world talking openly isn’t going to get your loved ones to talk if you haven’t proven to be safe for them.
How are you showing that you’re safe?
New from the Blogs
Sharing - When Grief Has No Grave: Rebuilding After a Childhood You Never Got
We struggle enough to talk about grief when someone dies. We don't even come close to acknowledging the other things we can and should be grieving. As an abuse survivor, I still grieve for the childhood I never had, the close relationships with parents I never had, and the freedom to enjoy life that I didn't have as a child.
Related shared link - Moving Forward with Grief
Sharing - Mental Health Checkups and a Continuum of Intervention
I've written over the last few months about my diagnosis of diabetes and the medical care I've gotten. I appreciate the fact that my treatment plan included providers asking about my mental health. This kind of thing can be overwhelming, and in that kind of situation, it never hurts to ask and check on someone's mental health. I don't think everyone gets that same level of concern, and I'm not sure that, outside of a life-changing diagnosis, anyone would have been checking on my mental health in the same way.
It should be common.
Sharing - The High Price of Shame: How Stigma Hurts Mental Health
You don't need to do anything to deserve getting help. You don't need anyone else to permit you to act in ways that benefit your mental health. You not only deserve it, you need it. No one can take that away, including your past traumas.
Sharing - Psychological Abuse Explained
This logic that emotional and psychological abuse isn't "as bad" gives short shrift to the people who've been psychologically abused. We also don't recognize the emotional and psychological abuse that went on alongside the other forms of abuse in our situations. That can limit us when it comes to healing. We can't heal what we don't know. If we ignore the impacts of these other forms of abuse, we run the risk of dealing with the effects for the rest of our lives instead of taking them on in our healing work.
Shared from Elsewhere
This is a serious process that you should go through before making any decisions. It’s not as easy as telling your story. There are a lot of things to consider about how that story changes stuff at work and in personal relationships.
Mental Health suggestions I’ve seen:
Readers and Writers: Selections for Mental Health Awareness Month
Friday's Health Report: How owning plants can improve mental health
Book Club: The Mental Health Guide for Cis and Trans Queer Guys
Worth watching - The Candle: Suicide Prevention and Awareness PSA.
We know stigma exists. Can we quantify the impact of it? - The real impacts of mental health stigma, according to research.
What Self-Care Really Means (It’s More Than Bubble Baths) - Indeed, it is work. Making decisions that are good for our mental health every day is not a luxury; it's a necessity.
Speaking of the work:
It’s not up for debate any longer - WHO Member States Recognize Social Connection As A Global Health Priority.
Making a Difference:
Florida man walks across America for mental health awareness, addiction recovery
Wilson Phillips’ Carnie Wilson on Depression, Healing Power of Music
How Steelers safety DeShon Elliott turned his dark moments into mental health advocacy for kids
Brooklyn nonprofit launches new digital mental health platform to support young men of color
Emil Ruusuvuori on mental health: 'If my story helps one person, it will be worth it'
Sheryl Crow Releases New Song “I Know” For Mental Health Awareness Month
Former Padres talk mental health with high schoolers: 'Know you're not alone'
Trevor Zegras and Rob Thorsen champion mental health in hockey
From the Archives
Reasons I Didn't Tell Anyone I was Being Sexually Abused
That's why when people approach me with ideas for how to prevent childhood sexual abuse, the only two things I focus on are education and honesty. I didn't even know I was being abused because I lacked any education, and I didn't talk to anyone because there were no safe adults for me to talk to.
On social media, you are not only surrounded by the people you decide to follow, but thanks to algorithms, you are surrounded by the things you choose to interact with. Accounts you don't interact with eventually disappear from your feeds. So, what do you interact with? If you interact with one topic most of the time, you'll get more of it, and your perception will be that this is the norm. "Everyone thinks the way I do", so obviously anyone who disagrees is wrong, and when someone is wrong, they are outside the norms of society and deserve ridicule. Suddenly you find yourself online talking about how you hope people get COVID19, or that their kids get sick, or someone they know gets raped, etc. Outside of your group, these comments seem ridiculous, but when you're the 15th person to say it in your online group? They don't seem ridiculous at all.
Healing is a long journey. It's easy to see what you think is the result of healing, whatever that looks like for you, and measure yourself by the fact that you aren't there yet. I'd disagree with that. Not that you shouldn't have an eye on the prize, so to speak, but you need to see the details, and you need to enjoy the details.
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.