Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #163
A classic example of sending the wrong message
If you haven’t seen Robert F. Kennedy Jr. discussing autism recently, I encourage you to take a look. It’s a classic example of sending the wrong message to anyone who has autism. It, frankly, reminded me of some of the worst things I’ve heard about child abuse as well:
Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.
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Quoting from the transcript:
“These are kids who will never pay taxes, they'll never hold a job, they'll never play baseball, they'll never write a poem, they'll never go out on a date, many of them will never use a toilet unassisted…”
I’m sure that was news to the many people with autism who are doing all of those things every day. I am not one of them, so I will let them speak for themselves. Ask and they’ll tell you how wrong and dismissive this language is.
We’ve seen the same conversations about mental health and child abuse. Who hasn’t heard someone talk about how being abused as a child is a “life sentence?” The implication being that your life after abuse is worth nothing. There’s no hope.
Maybe even that you might have been better off if your abuser had killed you. (They won’t say this directly, but I’ve heard people hint at the idea.)
It does, however, reveal a great deal about the person making the statement. They are small-minded. They are not willing to help with the hard work of healing or creating a society that is easier to navigate as a person with autism. They cannot imagine a world where people overcome complex challenges and accomplish great things despite all the hurdles they face.
Regardless of how healed we feel, or whatever difficulties we have, every life is precious. This language does not come from someone who values all lives.
Mainly, they value avoiding the discomfort of people who are not like them so much that they need an easy answer to make it all go away, when life doesn’t have easy answers.
People like that are not what we need.
New from the Blogs
We have done a good job of removing the stigma of getting help for things like anxiety, depression, ADHD, and multiple other symptoms of mental health issues. We haven't done enough to make it acceptable for people to talk about the trauma they've suffered. Until we do that, and until we recognize that we all have experienced various levels of trauma, we're going to continue to have a growing mental health crisis on our hands.
Sharing - Nearly 1 in 5 men won't seek professional mental health, new report finds
This reluctance to get help kills people. The societal norm that says it's weak for men to seek professional help, that we should be strong and stoic in the face of every situation, kills men.
Sharing - Why Most Efforts to Address Mental Health Stigma Miss the Mark
We've done a lot of work to eliminate stigma over the years. It's nearly impossible to argue that there is a significant number of people in the US who don't know about mental health, or understand that it's not uncommon. And yet, we still have a stigma problem:
Shared from Elsewhere
Speaking of stigma, we’ve also done a poor job of believing abuse victims instead of assuming it’s their mental health. - Mental ill-health is losing its stigma, but it’s still used to blame victims of abuse.
This is timely:
Teenage girls explain mental health gender gap in new study. They identified several key contributors, including pressure to conform to traditional female stereotypes, higher academic expectations for girls, and comparisons, particularly through social media.
Of course, social media isn’t always bad for everyone - From Likes To Lifelines: Social Media As A Tool For Support.
This is true, and underlines the importance of self-care and grace - The Exhaustion From Healing Is Very Real.
How community benefits your mental health. - Revisiting a common topic in this area.
Also:
I’m afraid those two items are only getting worse in the US:
‘Everyday discrimination’ linked to increased anxiety and depression across all groups of Americans
New Research Links Gun Violence Exposure to Higher Rates of Depression and Suicidal Ideation
Making a Difference:
Milwaukee high schoolers host podcast for teens to open up conversation about mental health
Black podcaster aims to change mental health narrative in underserved communities
The Coventry man changing youth mental health through basketball
‘Friendship benches’ to offer free mental health support in Sussex
Boston Red Rox star Jarren Duran says he attempted suicide while struggling with his mental health
From the Archives
Friendships Matter Much More than the Value We Place on Them
It's worth considering your friends and recognizing that we need all kinds of friends. We need loose connections, and we need tight connections. We need long-term friends, and we need friends for a season of our lives.
In short, we need each other. I'm afraid this has gotten lost in our culture and priorities, and I consider myself as guilty as anyone.
I also know that being guilty of not prioritizing friendships has hurt me. It's likely hurting you, and it is hurting all of society. It's time we started valuing close friendships again.
When You Don't Know What to Say
When someone discloses abuse or a mental health issue to you, they are not asking you to fix it for them. They are not seeking out the magic words you can say to make them feel better about what happened. It doesn't work that way. Just be there. Let them know you care about them and support them. Ask them what they need. Most of all, don't panic. Just be with them, and exist with their story.
Being a survivor is a challenge, and healing from childhood abuse is a struggle. Don't let anyone kid you about that. What it's not is a death sentence. There is hope, there is joy, and there is life. It may be a long, rough tunnel, and the light at the end of it may seem dim now, but it is there. Survivors need to know that, and they should hear it from us.
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to thank me for my weekly effort.