Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors Information - Issue #150
Feeling overwhelmed? Go do something compassionate.
Last weekend, we saw the first reports on the devastation left behind every time we opened social media. My wife and I have many connections to the area. We lived in Greenville, SC, for a few years. My wife went to college in East Tennessee. We were married in Jonesborough, TN, and honeymooned in Asheville, and we have friends and family who live in Western North Carolina.
The area is quite familiar to us.
It was overwhelming to see the footage available to us and to know that there was so much more we couldn’t see due to the lack of power, internet, and communications.
We had a hard day. We grieved.
Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.
For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website - Child Abuse Survivor.
The next day, we focused on doing good where we could. It wasn’t clear where we could have an impact with donations. Still, while we waited for information about finding ways to be kind and compassionate to the folks dealing with this hurricane damage, we did some kind things for others who we knew needed some compassion in our lives.
Because when you’re feeling overwhelmed, the best thing to do is what you can do.
A few years ago, I learned about the difference between empathy and compassion from the Happiness Lab. (What We Really Need is Compassion). I was reminded of what I had written then about the pandemic:
So, the question may be not only what are you doing to take care of yourself during this time of great anxiety, but what are you doing to help others?
If the news about the hurricane, the election, the wars in the Middle East and Ukraine, and everything else going on feels overwhelming, find a way to be compassionate to yourself and others. You can do this by donating to the Red Cross or a local charity or simply helping people around you who are in need. It’s my best cure for being overwhelmed.
If you are looking to give to the areas impacted by the hurricane, this article has some links to start. Feel free to share other ways we can help that you are aware of in the comments.
New from the Blogs
It's Almost Like Mental Health is Complicated or Something
Being more social and getting some exercise can help people feel better about themselves and improve their mental health struggles. It won't fix everything, and we must stop pretending they will. If elite athletes can struggle with mental health, we can't go around stigmatizing people dealing with depression as lazy folks who need a good workout, and we can't tell someone who's introverted and struggling with anxiety to meet more people and expect that will cure them.
It's likely not going to cure them any more than a day in the grass would heal bipolar disorder or hallucinations.
That also doesn't mean they are worthless endeavors. Having close connections and getting some exercise in nature are, generally, good things.
They aren't a replacement for solid mental healthcare, though. Our mental health is a little more complicated than that.
We All Have Mental Health Issues
I think it's time we started looking at mental health the way Dr. Lee describes it. We all have mental health issues of some form or another like we all have different physical ailments at times. Stigmatizing people who need mental healthcare and being unable to provide it is a failure for all of us.
Community Health Care Resources That Don't Exist
As societies, we don't care enough to do the hard work required to change it. If we cared, we wouldn't have years and years of stories like this. We wouldn't have millions of people having to choose between eating and their mental health or being dumped into a system that offers no help.
But we do, and very few leaders are even talking about making the massive investments necessary to overhaul the system.
Shared from Elsewhere
Many of these are very good - Therapists Share the 1 Tip That's Changed Their Lives.
I’ve spoken before about the one question my therapist asked me that changed my life - “What do you want?” It might not be the most insightful thing out of context, but it was the first time I felt the freedom to ask myself instead of including what I felt was expected in my decisions.
Speaking of therapy, one of the other great things I learned from my time in treatment was self-awareness. - The One Skill Nobody Taught You (But Everyone Needs)
Whether it’s from books, websites, shows, etc., our voices matter - Young Readers Need Books Featuring Mental Health Struggles: 'Story Is What Saved Me.
NPR is doing an email series that might interest you - If you want to stress less, join NPR's quest to reclaim your calm.
This is important to consider when you wonder why someone might seem unwilling to accept help - Hyper-Independence and Trauma: What's the Connection?
When we talk about guns, we don’t speak enough about this - Women are increasingly using firearms in suicide deaths, CDC data reveals:
Firearms were used in more than half the country’s record 49,500 suicide deaths in 2022, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data shows.
We don’t speak up about the topic generally, either - Talking Openly and Honestly About Suicide.
On a similar note, we might talk about depression a little more than we used to, but we should talk more about the impact it has on relationships - How Depression Affects Relationships and Tips to Help.
Making a Difference:
Artists use talent to raise awareness for mental health causes
Rock the Beach Gala raises more than $225,000 for Newport Mental Health
Succession's Brian Cox & ASICS Promote World Mental Health Day
"The Barefoot Dutchman" is raising awareness about mental health
Suicide Prevention Month: Iowa City woman shares her mental health journey to help others
Selena Gomez Announces Second Annual Rare Impact Fund Benefit Supporting Youth Mental Health
Marlon Wayans Leads Mental Health Conversation for Black Community
From the Archives
Why Did So Many Adults Minimize the Abuse in US Gymnastics?
As I read that, though, I'm reminded of how many parents and others have said essentially the same thing to other children when confronted with what is happening. Again, consider how many children are told they must have misunderstood or are overreacting, that the adult in question is a good person and wouldn't do that. That is what we want to believe. It feels safer to us to consider sexual abuse as something that happens "out there" with strangers who abduct children from mall parking lots and playgrounds. Not the nice people in our circles, circles that are safe, secure, and do not have to deal with this kind of drama. Circles we would like to keep that way, at almost any cost.
We all have the ability to create these moments of connection. Unfortunately, too many of us choose not to. That is to our own detriment as well as the other people we could impact.
What Does it Mean to Hold Space For Someone?
I've always viewed holding space in terms of the word safe. When I hold space for someone, I do not solve or question their problem. I'm simply letting them be. Whatever that might look like, and I'm ensuring they are safe. It means making sure that being in my presence, either in person or virtually, is a place where they are free to cry, vent, question, or whatever form of expression is needed to help at that moment. It means being the person who is there, listening, offering support, but above all else, keeping them safe physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please spread the word. That’s the best way to thank me for my weekly effort.