Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors Information - Issue #142
It's Pride and Men's Mental Health month, and they're related.
I want to share this TikTok video with you because I think this is absolutely genius.
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Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.
For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website - Child Abuse Survivor.
He pointed out something I hadn’t considered about the timing of these two events this month, but as soon as I saw this video, I couldn't help but nod my head in agreement. Men’s mental health is an epidemic because men’s loneliness is at epidemic levels, and a considerable part of our loneliness is because of homophobia.
After all, as males, what have we been told about expressing emotion, having affection for our friends, or needing support from others?
That’s gay.
That’s not manly. That’s not what alpha males do. Real men don’t need to express emotions, don’t need compliments, don’t need to know other people care about them.
That belief system, which is still prevalent in our society, is why we need Pride Month and Men’s Mental Health Month because that attitude makes outcasts out of all of us.
All of this reminded me of posts I’ve made in the past, like this one.
Friendships Matter Much More than the Value We Place on Them
Where I mentioned a book that covered similar ground:
I've been thinking about how to write this post for a few weeks after reading Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends by Marisa Franco.
In addition to giving the reader a solid explanation of Attachment Theory, Marisa also talks a lot about the history of friendships in American Society. She talks about letters written between friends in early American history that are quite affectionate, warm, and loving. We wouldn't dare to say these things to someone we are "just" friends with these days. She even does a pretty good teardown of the term I used, "just friends," which immediately places less value on our friendships when compared to romantic and familial relationships.
She also talks about letters between same-sex friends in the book, which are loving and affectionate, so much so that current-day readers often assume some romance when that wouldn’t have necessarily been the case. We’ve just had a couple of decades of homophobia since then.
Men, most of us wouldn’t dare open up to another guy, let alone express care for them. Yet we also wonder why men’s mental health statistics keep getting worse.
It’s not that complicated.
Speaking of being better friends, this might help - The Science of Having a Great Conversation.
And this - The Power of Friendship: Why Humans Need Social Connections
New from the Blogs
An Example of Suicide Prevention Being About Many Different Things
As I've repeatedly said, find what works for you and stick with it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise or convince you to stop doing something that works for you. Don't give up if what your friend or an online influencer does that works for them doesn't work for you. Every one of these lives is worth the effort to find what will make them want to stay. That includes you.
Related to the above - Sharing - Fans of fitness influencers exercise more – but they’re also more depressed.
Whatever activity you do—exercising, reading, cooking, spending time in nature, listening to music, or making art—if it benefits your mental health, by all means, continue doing it. Just don't promise the same benefit to everyone else because the activity might not have the same impact on them. They're different than you.
Sharing - How America’s Mental Health Crisis Became This Family’s Worst Nightmare
Most of all, the article clearly shows no easy answers. There isn't one thing broken in this system that can be quickly turned around and made better. It's everything: government funding, insurance coverage, a lack of people to treat patients, a confusing and frustrating system to find help, and a system so under-resourced that kids are sent to facilities 5-6 hours away from their parents.
Sharing - Stop Listening To These 5 Pieces Of Advice That Can Harm Your Mental Health
‘Family is everything.’
How many survivors have been told to stop talking about their abuse, to forgive their abuser, to coexist with their abuser, all in the name of family unity? I know too many who have found themselves sacrificed on the altar of this myth. They've been silenced, ignored, and suffered further trauma in the name of keeping the family peace so that their abuser can exist comfortably in the family.
Before you can commit to self-care there is a prerequisite.
Even just the headline made me think of those days when I was in my 20s, dealing with the trauma and shame of my childhood and the major depression that I was not getting proper treatment for. I didn't take care of myself. I didn't even meet the basic needs of sleep, food, etc., because, in my mind, I wasn't worth it. I didn't deserve to live a healthy, content life. It wasn't that I didn't understand what self-care was or why it was necessary; I lacked a belief that I deserved it.
Shared from Elsewhere
Shame. Is there a term that survivors identify with more than that? - The Very Important Role Shame Can Play In Our Mental Health.
We had the first part of the previous issue of this series, so we are sharing the second one, too - Six (more) Mental Health accounts you need to follow on Instagram.
We need to talk about grief more than we do. Too many people dealing with a significant loss feel the need to “get over it” as soon as possible, which isn’t the point. - Grief is horrible – but it’s supposed to be. We have to feel a loss before we can grow through it
It’s already hot where I live. That’s pretty normal for the area, but last year, when we went through a prolonged drought and hotter-than-normal temperatures, it was a struggle for our mental health. - Mental Health, Violence, and Heat Waves
Maybe, in the middle of that heat wave, we’d do well to remember this and give each other a little grace -
This is true - It's never too late to start healing
Worth a read - Changing the Course on Suicide: The Launch of a New National Strategy for Suicide Prevention
From the Archives
Even The Little Things Are Too Much
I think anyone who has ever suffered from depression can recall those days. The days where you really just get overwhelmed doing the smallest little thing, and then feel like a failure because you couldn’t even do that little thing without getting overwhelmed, thus leading to feeling more overwhelmed, and so on and so on.
What Does Self-Care Look Like For You?
I want you all to remember that “self-care” is a two-word phrase. Caring for your “self” may not look the same as caring for my “self.”
This news story gives us a clear example of someone who found their voice by realizing that they are not alone and that others have been where she is. I've stood on my soapbox many times around here saying this, but this also adds another example of how survivors can't always tell their stories. I've talked a lot about people who are not ready for their stories to be public, but in this case, we had someone who didn't know she could tell her story, finding the strength to do it because someone else was willing to tell theirs.
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, spread the word. That’s the best way to say thank you for my weekly effort.