Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors Information - Issue #85
Every end is a new beginning
As I’ve mentioned in other platforms, I got caught up in the latest round of layoffs from my work yesterday. It wasn’t exactly a surprise, we knew things weren’t going all that well, but the timing still seemed very sudden. As someone with a history of anxiety and depression, getting laid off and having uncertainty thrust upon me isn’t the most pleasant experience.
On the other hand, I’m trying to embrace the new possibilities. As a friend said to me on LinkedIn - Every end is a beginning.
I know that grieving is normal, and at some point I’m sure I’ll do that, and I’ll worry a bit about what happens now, but for now I’m trying to focus forward on what comes next.
On the other hand, I’m also keeping connected to the important people in my life, because I as much as I hate to admit it, I need their support. Maybe, by writing that here, I’ll remember that when the anxiety kicks in. I know myself well enough to know that is coming. I hope I can take my own advice when it does. Maybe I’ll go back and read some of my own blog posts on the subject. I’ve always said that the site exists so that anyone dealing with mental health issues or surviving child abuse will know that they aren’t alone. Maybe the next person it needs to reach will be me.
In the meantime, I’ve got more time to focus on the site and some other things I’ve been putting off. This seems like as good a time as any to do so and keep myself busy doing things I love.
New from the Blogs
Heal Without Judging How Others Heal
There are so many things that have worked for some people in healing. The list could get long, but no matter how many items we add, one thing will be true for every item. They all worked for some of the people some of the time and never for everyone all of the time.
Healing is hard. Those who are trying to heal from trauma deserve our respect and encouragement. They don't need a ton of judgment about how they are healing. Stop making it harder with your judgment.
Sharing - Depression: The Kindness Cure
Let's agree that politics, social media, racism, poverty, environmental disasters, and even a pandemic have caused some level of mental health harm to society, but let's also consider that the underlying reason is that we have simply stopped being as kind as we used to be.
Florida Sends the Wrong Message when Allowing for the Death Penalty in Child Abuse Cases
That's a lot to lay on a small child. Most child abuse is perpetrated by people known to the family. Do you think children will tell if they know there's a good chance that person will be killed? How about the life-long trauma of knowing that your testimony caused another human being to die? That's a lot of trauma on top of trauma.
I get it. Punishing child abusers is an easy public opinion win. No one wants to punish abusers less. As survivors, we must balance that with what is best for the child.
Shared from Elsewhere
I wrote about the importance of friendship last week, so on that topic:
“Sunshine Calls” help depression and loneliness, study finds - just having someone to talk to made a difference in elderly people’s rates of depression.
But that fear is decades old and it belongs to a little girl who desperately wanted to be loved and valued for who she was, not my authentic adult self sitting here typing this today.
6 Reminders That Healing After Sexual Violence Is Possible (and 6 More Messages of Support) - we all need the reminder sometimes.
Depression and LGBTQIA+ Individuals - the long list of reasons depression rates are higher for this group and what we can do about it.
Trauma Impacts Adolescent Development - I suspect many of us who grew up with trauma have always sort of known this.
From the Archives
Link – The #1 Reason Children Recant Abuse Allegations
Disclosing to one parent, and getting an indication that they don’t support me isn’t going to make me want to go forward.
When You Don’t Know What to Say
When someone discloses abuse to you, or discloses their mental health issue to you, they are not asking you to fix it for them. They are not seeking out the magic words that you can say that will make them feel better about what happened. It doesn’t work that way. Just be there. Let them know you care about them and support them. Ask them what they need. Most of all, don’t panic. Just be with them, and exist with their story.
Just because something is a challenge though, doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Nor does it make it not worth doing. If you are a survivor who has convinced themselves that healing isn’t possible or worth the effort, than I truly feel sorry for you, but you won’t find any agreement on that point here.
I’m off to disconnect for the weekend. I hope a link or two in this week’s newsletter serves to help you feel seen.