Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors Information - Issue #107
How Awful Am I Really?
Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues. If you’ve tried to follow the resources I share on social media and find that the algorithm has decided for you to not show you the things we post, this is the best way to get caught up each week.
For more information about me and why this newsletter exists visit the website - Child Abuse Survivor.
Recent research has found something that I think we all sort of know, right?
In addition to personality and perhaps biological factors, the main determinants of whether people end up on the high or low side of the self-esteem equation are prior interpersonal experiences. If you receive affection and praise from others, especially when you’re young, your core beliefs will develop in a favorable way.
By contrast, neglect, criticism, and lack of affection or praise will turn your core beliefs into constant self-criticism and questioning.
As a survivor of childhood abuse, I know all too well the negative thoughts that roll around in my brain constantly. I grew up with them. I do not remember a time when they weren’t a constant companion nor a time when I was not fully conscious of every mistake I made. I instinctually knew that I was horrible and that my only hope was to somehow prevent other people from seeing how horrible I was.
Frankly, that’s an exhausting way to live.
The link above also has some research on what helps. Step one is simple. Know that these beliefs are not based in reality:
Recognizing the existence of these negatively-biased beliefs can be the first step to feeling less ashamed or unloved, according to Rimes and her colleagues. Once these beliefs become pulled out and examined, individuals can start (or can be helped to start) challenging their rationality. In the case of making a mistake, relegating it as a “slip-up” instead of a failure can help the individual to become more self-accepting.
Over many years I’ve learned to accept that most people don’t even remember the mistakes I’ve made that I’ve spent years beating myself up over. They simply weren’t that important. I have to remind myself of that truth often, and even then I still have that never-ending internal monologue telling me how wrong I was, and am. It hasn’t gone away, I have just how to better put it into a proper perspective.
How do you keep that perspective?
New from the Blogs
You've Already Done Hard Things
We've already done hard things, but we don't give ourselves credit for it. Typically, we do the opposite, blaming ourselves for the trauma or our mental health struggles, thus seeing ourselves as weak, the kind of people who can't do hard things. That carries over into all aspects of our lives. We don't take risks in jobs, relationships, etc. because we don't think we're capable and we don't think we could survive failure.
Sharing - How I Got Better at Sharing My Story
They can't go down to the local community college and sign up for a class where they can practice explaining all of the complexities of their mental health in simple terms. They're experimenting with what works, what is comfortable, what is confusing, etc. Give them some space to do that and know that when they are still at this uncomfortable level they trust you to be someone they want to talk to.
Shared from Elsewhere
I often talk about men’s mental health challenges and share resources for men because I am one and I know how much stigma there is around a man admitting to struggling with anything, let alone mental health. That doesn’t mean I won’t also share resources like this too. - 10 Websites That Promote Mental Health and Well-Being for Women
Also this - The 9 Top Mental Health Websites for Seniors
This is a hard, but important, conversation - How to Talk About Suicide, from a Psychologist Who Lost a Loved One
Speaking of hard things, this is also a difficult situation where we often find ourselves not knowing how to help - Caring for Adult Children with Mental Illness: How to Help
If you’re a creative, artist, musician, etc. this discussion was pretty interesting - Mental Health and Creativity
From the Archives
Video – How Trauma Affects Memory
We often expect child abuse survivors, especially when the abuse was so recent, to remember the details, and be able to provide an exact timeline of events. When they struggle to do that it becomes a little too easy for us to start doubting that they are telling the truth, instead of understanding that this is exactly the way it’s supposed to work.
Quick Thought Number 4 – The Appreciation File in the Digital Age
Have you thought about how to keep a copy of positive messages that you’ve been sent digitally, and how it can help see the value you provide? Have you reached out recently and sent anyone a message telling them that you appreciate them? Maybe it’s time you did both.
The Struggle of Getting Affordable Mental Health Care
We often talk about the mental health care system being broken when it comes to treatment and patients, but I think this article opens our eyes a bit to the fact that it’s broken for providers too. Is it any wonder we have such a shortage of providers? Who would volunteer for this? We should be thankful for the people who do!
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful to you, spread the word. That’s the best way you can say thank you for the effort I put in each week.