Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors Information - Issue #147
The rollercoaster keeps going
The original plan for late July through mid-August was to drive to Ohio, see a concert with my wife, stay on for two weeks after she went home to work from the office, visit family and friends, and then hit Nashville on the way back home for a work conference.
This was how I would spend four weeks of my Summer. The first week went off as planned. I spent a day in the Columbus office, two in Cincinnati, catching the Foo Fighters concert in the evening, and dropping my wife and our friend at the airport on Sunday.
On Monday, I tested positive for COVID. Instead of visiting my favorite people and places in Columbus, I spent two weeks alone in an Airbnb.
Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.
For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website - Child Abuse Survivor.
Thankfully, I recovered in time to attend and speak on a panel at the conference. That last week, I spent time with 4,000 other attendees after not being with another soul for two weeks. As an introvert, that’s quite the ride.
I was more than ready to be home this week and back to my routines. Nevertheless, I am mourning the missed opportunities to spend time with people who matter to me. My heart is also full due to the people I know professionally, whom I connected with last week.
I think taking those opportunities to connect as they come is essential. Life gets in the way sometimes, like contracting an infectious disease. There’s nothing you can do about that, and plans will be canceled. When we let the non-important bits of life get in the way, we suffer the most.
I am sad that I missed a chance to see some of my favorite people in the world, but I’m also reminded that I blow off chances to connect with people all the time for less severe reasons. Sometimes I forget, or I don't want to bother them. Other times, I’m distracted by work or some other interest.
That’s no way to fight loneliness and make connections. My anxiety and other mental health struggles are the price of that.
Who have you been meaning to reach out to?
New from the Blogs
Domestic Violence as Workplace Safety
Over the years, there have been two causes of workplace violence that far outpace the others. They aren't always one and two in the same order on the list; sometimes, they flip spots, but they are always the top two.
Fired employees returning to the workplace to commit violence
Domestic violence that follows a worker to the workplace.
In the first situation, we generally have some security processes in place. When we fire someone, we cut off their access to technology, we don't let them back to their work area unaccompanied, we escort them off the property, and we make everyone aware of what happened and that the person doesn't belong in the workplace.
In the second situation, however, we tend to place all the responsibility on the individual employee. We hold them responsible for letting their personal lives interfere with work if their abusive partner calls too often or comes to the workplace and creates a distraction.
Maybe we shouldn't do that. Maybe helping an employee escape an abusive situation is in our best interests. Maybe creating a space where we are aware of the danger and can easily identify it is better than having no clue what is about to happen.
Sharing - The surprising truth about loneliness in America
There's no replacement for knowing your people and keeping in touch with them in the appropriate ways. Of course, a quick text message never hurt anyone if you aren't sure. It's not like most of us overcommunicate with our close friends and loved ones.
Sharing - 11 Things to Say When Someone Dies Besides 'I'm Sorry'
If someone you know is grieving the passing of a loved one, take a look at this article and pay special attention to the ones that talk about sharing memories. I am not Jewish, so I don't quote this exactly, but I draw inspiration from a traditional Jewish saying about death - "May their memory be a blessing."
I find that memories are the best things to hold on to. They truly are a blessing.
Linked - The 3 Most Kind Things You Can Say with Someone
"I believe in you."
"You make a difference."
"I appreciate you."
Sharing - Healing from trauma requires holding two tracks.
Gretchen is right; they don't tell you this when you start doing healing work on your trauma, but it's a skill you're going to need:
But for most people healing from trauma, it’s not about going away to get better, it is about learning to stay. Stay with the part of you that is healing. And stay with the part of you doing your day-to-day life. Healing from trauma is about learning to hold both: your life in the present and your trauma history--all at the same time.
Shared from Elsewhere
It’s that time of year, and I’ve been seeing a ton of stories like these:
I’ve also seen this study mentioned many times. What kind of creative activities do you participate in for your mental health? - Creative hobbies may greatly benefit mental health
I wish all survivors could have someone in their lives say this and mean it - I Believe You. It wasn't Your Fault. You Are not Alone. Being There for a Friend Who's Survived Rape or Sexual Abuse.
We don’t talk about this enough, so too many don’t understand it- Trauma Bonding: Exploring the Psychological Effects of Abuse.
The same goes for this - The Signs and Effect of Emotional Incest.
A few more items of interest:
Breaking the silence: Tackling mental health and loneliness in older adults
Unveiling Emotional Neglect: Identifying and Healing Its Long-Term Effects
Depression Recovery: A Guide To Understand Signs Of Recovery And Relapse Prevention
From the Archives
I don't feel uncomfortable talking about it. I feel uncomfortable forcing others to deal with the knowledge. I know that not everyone handles it very well and that being unable to handle it very well can sometimes be embarrassing. This is just a friend, so they don't need to know to continue being my friend, unlike my wife. The last thing I want is for this person to feel guilty about not handling it well or feel uncomfortable around me after that, so I stopped saying anything for their sake. I don't think that was the wrong decision, but at the same time, I feel somewhat unsettled about how I should have handled it.
How We Talk to Ourselves Matters
I'm sure somewhere online, you've seen a mental health advocate talk about self-talk. About how the things we say to ourselves, about ourselves, we would never say, or even think about, a friend.
That's self-care in a nutshell: doing what you need to do for your health and well-being. Don't make it any harder than it has to be by expecting yourself to do all the things suggested in all the self-help resources; pay attention to what you require and allow yourself to do those things.
Mostly, give yourself the freedom to do them and the grace not to do them perfectly all the time. That's just being human.
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, spread the word. That’s the best way to say thank you for my weekly effort.