This week was Mardi Gras down here in Louisiana. It’s become somewhat of a tradition in the seven years we’ve lived here to try and partake as much as we can without going overboard in terms of activities and crowds. Mostly crowds. This year was a little different because we had friends in town the week before, others who wanted to meet up in New Orleans and then more who wanted to experience Cajun Mardi Gras with us.
So there was a lot going on and a lot of being in crowds. This has become more difficult for me over the last few years as my anxiety has become more of a struggle.
Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.
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As we drove over to New Orleans on Monday, my wife and I had an honest conversation about how well I would handle the crowds. I knew NOLA would be the worst of it, in terms of being surrounded by people. I knew that I have avoided crowds for the last few years and have avoided being in unfamiliar situations as much as possible. I even admitted that I miss the person I sued to be when I was traveling all around the world by myself for work. These last few years I’ve instead become someone who barely leaves the house by myself.
That has to change if I’m going to stay connected to the people who matter, and for my own mental health. What helps is knowing that I’ve done this before. I can take some confidence from experiences I’ve had before that were positive. I can also take confidence from the fact that I’ve lived through experiences that didn’t go so positively.
I survived them. I’ll survive this. I will not let my anxiety win. So, I have plans in the future to do things by myself. Going to a concert, a hockey game, traveling a bit, and getting back to being myself again without the anxiety. I know it’ll be a struggle. I know I’ll get overwhelmed by people. (I was this past week, for sure!)
Most of all, I know how to recharge when I do get overwhelmed. I know myself and I know my limits. And I know not everything will go perfectly. That’s life, and I can live it.
New from the Blogs
Taylor Swift, Deepfake Porn and the Law
As the article explains, there is no federal law against this in the US. There are some state laws, but they're not very effective. The problem is that we've always treated sexual abuse materials as criminal because, as the saying goes, behind every photo is a child being abused. With deepfakes, though, the abuse isn't happening. So when a teen girl is the subject of deepfake porn, she was never sexually assaulted, so there's no crime.
There's a lot of harm, though.
Sharing - 71% of UK men have experienced some form of sexual victimization by a woman
Shocking, yes.
But then I got to thinking. I've talked about being a sexual abuse survivor and how it was a male who abused me. What I haven't talked about and haven't considered for myself because the incidents are overshadowed by the years of sexual abuse are the occasions when I was sexually victimized without my consent by women.
In high school when a group of girls passed me in the hallway, and one of them grabbed my ass as the group laughed.
In my twenties, when I was watching a band play at a bar, an older woman backed into me and started rubbing herself against me.
On a crowded London train, I had to position my suitcase to create space between myself and another woman, taking advantage of the crowded space to get a feel.
Given my history, I think 71% might even be low.
We have to address societal issues that cause harm. Politicians who don't address both the lack of mental health resources and the various political issues that actively harm the mental health of all of us don't deserve our vote. If you consider yourself a mental health advocate, consider how your representatives have voted and where they stand on these issues. Have they cut mental health funding, opposed mental health support in schools, or supported laws that cause active mental harm to some segments of the population?
Consider that before you go to the voting booth this year.
Shared from Elsewhere
Write It Out! - “How writing out my thoughts has helped me.”
I saw these two items come up back-to back in my news reader the other day and thought, how appropriate. Because the problem with Toxic Positivity is that it doesn’t let people struggle with hard things. - Toxic Positivity: What Are We Up Against? and then - It Gets Hard Sometimes.
There’s a lot to think about when reading this regarding our loneliness epidemic:
We also need to talk about getting enough sleep:
From the Archives
This month, as survivors, let’s strive to do three things, in this order. See ourselves as worthy of our having needs met, learning how to take care of ourselves, and striving to love other people, by giving them what they need from us.
Confidence is not convincing myself that the things my anxiety are using to scare me couldn’t possibly happen. It’s the knowledge that even if they are true, and things go horribly wrong. I’ll still be here.
That's what I call deep-level stigma. It tells every survivor that their stories are too sad or depressing to be shared. No one wants to hear them.
Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful to you, spread the word. That’s the best way you can say thank you for the effort I put in each week.