Child Abuse Survivor

As a travel writer, he naturally spends much of the book talking about his experiences on the road, but it’s intertwined not only with his own experiences with friends, but conversations about friendship with various people he meets.

Did I learn any big secrets about friendships? Not really. The reality is we know how to be better friends, how to show up for the people around us; we just don’t do it because, well, life gets in the way. As you’ll see later in the newsletter, part of the reason we have an epidemic of loneliness is that we’ve designed a society that prevents people from showing up in their communities.

That’s some real damage, because, as this book points out, we all need friends.

Andrew’s journey served as a reminder of the effort required to show up, the effort required to let people show up for us, and all the excuses we find to not make that effort.

If you need a reminder, check it out.

Something You Can Do For Your Mental Health - Something New

New from the Blogs

For many survivors, routine keeps us safe. That same familiarity means you never have to deal with the unexpected, but it can also leave you stuck. It's hard to develop resilience without occasionally doing something new. There's also the reality of missing the mental health benefits of new experiences. That's a real thing. Luckily, the something new doesn't have to be anything big. The article above has some ideas: small, everyday things you can do to practice doing something new.

Sharing - Students Say Mental Health Isn’t Taboo – But Talking to Parents Is

I’m not a parent, but I can imagine how much I would want to help my kids if I had any. The urge to fix the problem would be strong, as would the urge to assume my kids are okay because we’re raising them right.
The truth is that both of those urges are doing more harm than good, and may be the reason kids are comfortable talking to their peers and online about mental health, but not their own parents.

Sharing - Feeling lonely? This can cost you up to six healthy years

We know these facts. This is only the most recent research showing the negative impacts of loneliness and social isolation on mental and physical health. And yet, we live in a world that keeps making it harder and harder to connect with other human beings. In fact, we increasingly live in a world designed to dehumanize vast numbers of other people and determine our own value solely on the amount of time we spend working. That won't create community.
We’re only harming ourselves.

Shared from Elsewhere

Speaking of doing new things, one key to mental health might be curiosity:

VIDEO: Are you trapped in modern life’s ‘default setting’

You might find this interesting: Healing the Whole Family: A Graphic Novel on Intergenerational Trauma

The lack of sleep has a ton of negative impacts on us - Insomnia linked to higher risk of dementia, suicide, stroke and other major health issues: Study

Which makes this even scarier - 71% of Americans Say They’re Completely Exhausted

I have always found humor helpful for my mental health. A good laugh can make a real difference to my day. It’s not always the appropriate response, though - Humor Can Boost Mood, But There’s A Catch For People With Depression

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

You’ve Already Done Hard Things

From the Archives - Sept. 25, 2026

Fri, 25 Sep 2026 12:42:16 GMT

Photo by Giammarco Boscaro on Unsplash

I am here to talk about childhood abuse and mental health. Surviving either of those is hard. Growing up in an abusive situation is hard.
We’ve already done hard things, but we don’t give ourselves credit. Typically, we do the opposite, blaming ourselves for the trauma or our mental health struggles, thus seeing ourselves as weak, the kind of people who can’t do hard things. That carries over into all aspects of our lives. We don’t take risks in jobs, relationships, and other areas because we don’t think we’re capable, and we don’t think we could survive failure.
Which is weird, given how much we have survived. But I’ve been there, and I understand it. I had to start all over again as an adult, doing difficult things and surviving when things didn’t always go as planned. I had to prove to myself that I could learn new skills. Realistically, I had to prove to myself that I could take care of myself as an adult by learning how. But every time I questioned whether I could do it, I looked back at what I had survived and reminded myself that I’d done hard things.

We Still Have to Talk About Why Sexual Assault Victims, Including Kids, Don’t Come Forward

When you read all the reasons, the obvious question isn't why survivors wait so long, but why they ever talk about it at all. Gabi has some reasons, including the opportunity to access resources that can help with healing. Keeping it a secret and never finding a safe place to talk about it is not suitable for anyone. The decision to go "public" or to court should not be taken lightly. We've all seen too many stories of what happens in a legal proceeding and the court of public opinion to survivors. As a society, we should be better than that.

Another Personal Note - You Have to Take the First Steps

In fact, let me share a little secret. Even as they were happening, I wasn't 100% sure about them. But I had an experience that I could point to say and "We made it through that". That was huge. Over the years, we face each new challenge with increasing confidence because of what we've already been through. You don't gain that confidence by not doing anything new.

How to Make Sure Someone is “Seen”

It doesn’t sound like much. At the same time, we see so little of this in our daily interactions that it doesn’t take much to stand out as a good partner, friend, or boss. The bar is not set very high, but it does require sitting still with someone and focusing on them for that time.
How often can most of us say we do that?

Making Mental Health Just a Thing We Do at Work

As a leader, you set the tone. You can encourage your people to take advantage of the EAP all you want, but if you never unplug and never show any concern for your own mental health, they will follow you right down that path. You have the opportunity to do something differently and truly care for yourself and your employees.

Sharing - The startling emotional health benefits of serving others

It seems some solutions to our current loneliness epidemic are sitting right in front of us. It starts with taking the initiative to help others.

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #199

Fri, 18 Sep 2026 18:56:31 GMT

Photo by Kishor on Unsplash

I’m coming at you later than usual. That’s because it’s been a bit of a busy week, and the time I usually spend finishing this up on Thursday and schedule to send early Friday was instead spent with Baton Rouge’s own The Bends, at their album release party.

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding them.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

The show was fun, which is maybe my whole point in mentioning it here. Good music, good times, good company. All of it was good for my anxiety and over all mental health.

What small, fun, thing can you do today that will lift your mood, or the moods of people around you? Many of them might not even require staying out late on a Thursday.

Sharing - Chronic shame may drive destructive thought patterns in abuse survivors

New from the Blogs

I don’t always recognize myself as a survivor of emotional abuse, because the physical and sexual abuse was more obvious and memorable, but this description sounds familiar, and the reality of shame because of our abuse is something I think any of us who grew up with abuse as a kid feel.

That shame can lead to brooding and constantly trying to fix ourselves. That, I understand. The frustration of trying to fix ourselves because of something that wasn’t even our fault to begin with can be immense. If anything, I’d like to see resources that help all of us give ourselves a break and understand that this was someone else’s personal failing, not ours.

Sharing - When the Alarm Won’t Stop Ringing

The point, however, is that having intrusive thoughts, anxious thoughts, is something we can talk about, even make jokes about. It happens. We can’t always control what messages our brains want to send us about what we should be afraid of. We control which ones we react to. We control knowing the difference between a realistic fear and an intrusive one.

Mostly, I feel like if we all admitted to having them, maybe it wouldn’t be something to freak out about when someone else has one.

Worth Reading - Teen Social Media Bans Miss the Point

The problem wasn’t trying to keep kids safer by limiting the time they spent away from home unsupervised; it was not giving them alternative ways to build the same connections and skills. When I read about social media bans, I have the same question. How are we replacing the connections to friends, family, supportive communities, and educational information? Because if we aren’t, we’ll protect them from one thing and create other issues.

If not social media, then where?

Sharing - Vulnerable adolescents face sharp drop in mental health service access

We are failing to protect kids from trauma, and them failing to provide proper resources to assist them after that trauma. There’s no nice way to put this failure.

Shared from Elsewhere

A final post from last week:

“Our voices need to be heard”: Stories of hope for World Suicide Prevention Day

Maybe this could be something we do for our mental health? - Reading for pleasure linked to better mental health and greater empathy

Tips like these are always worth sharing with your people - Mental health matters: How to help someone struggling in silence

This too - Dealing with Anxiety and Depression

Finally, because I work with lawyers, and our industry needs to talk about it more - New study finds widespread mental health concerns among lawyers

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

World Suicide Prevention Day 2021

From the Archives - Sept. 11, 2026

Fri, 11 Sep 2026 12:22:31 GMT

Obviously, today is the 25th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon in the US, so it seems a bit weird to be sending out an archive issue that doesn’t address that.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

But I didn’t start my website until later in 2001, so I don’t have any posts written about 9/11 when it happened.

On the other hand, yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day, and I have written about that before:

So, the thing I want us to talk about this year is not just encouragement to call a hotline or to reach out to a friend for help, or even to tell our stories and erase the stigma around mental health issues. I want us to consider doing more than that. I want us, as a society, to figure out how to provide hope. As much value as there is in all of those other things, if I can't provide some hope that things will get better, that we are working and advocating for things to get better across all areas of our culture, then I can't honestly say that there is a reason for someone to hope, and at the end of the day, the thing that truly prevented me from taking my own life when I was at my worst was the hope that life wouldn't always be that painful.

Sometimes It Takes a Root Canal

So yeah, it’s a process. But in the end, the process is both what I need to do to get the help I need and necessary because the alternative of not dealing with it is untenable.

Sounds an awful lot like dealing with abuse and mental health problems.

Yes, dealing with the past can be a complex, ongoing process. There’s not much easy about it, and one of the first things you have to do is come up with a plan you can live with. Once that plan is in place, though, it’s essential to stick with it, because the alternative isn’t viable.

Who are you?

In short, who are you without the abuse? No one knows for sure because it's up to you to become who you want to be. The abuse will always be part of us; it's shaped who we are, and as much as we can heal and overcome that, we can never completely rid ourselves of its influence. On the other hand, once you are ready and able to set aside all that work and turn your focus from the past to the future, you are free to make the life you choose for yourself.

World Suicide Prevention Day 2025 and things that don’t exist

Read one note from someone who lost their parent in a war when they were young. Consider what my family would have been without my uncle’s return. What would be missing? My aunt. My cousins, their spouses, and kids.

Now multiply that by 720,000 per year lost to suicide.

Quick Thought #15 - Do what you can; it’s good for you.

As the research suggests, I don't want to claim that doing good things will bring you never-ending happiness and health, but it does have an effect, and maybe more importantly, the more people who are willing to do small, "good" things, the greater the overall effect in society at large. Perhaps that's the biggest takeaway.

Do You Struggle to Accept Compliments?

I do. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was on the phone with a former coworker who complimented me on the work I do with this site, and it took everything I had to say thank you instead of trying to diminish it.

I’m also not above admitting I said thank you mostly in the hope she would stop talking about it and go back to what we had been talking about before she brought it up.

Yeah, compliments make me that uncomfortable. I know I’m not alone in that.

Thanks for reading! This post is public, so feel free to share it.

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #198

Fri, 04 Sep 2026 13:03:26 GMT

If you’re not familiar with World Suicide Prevention Day, you can learn more here:

https://www.who.int/campaigns/world-suicide-prevention-day/2026

I’ve written about my own experience with suicidal thoughts, and even an attempt during the worst of my mental health struggles, but I also want to talk about the fact that often, it isn’t about depression or trauma; it’s simply the absence of hope.

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding them.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website Child Abuse Survivor.

We often think of suicide prevention as the availability of mental health resources, and in some cases that is true. It is also a number of other things:

Not living in poverty
Being able to escape abuse
Having proper medical care for chronic illness
Food security
Acceptance
Safety
Belonging

When I was struggling, yes, it was the depression, but above and beyond that, it was the absence of hope. It was the reality of being alone in my depression with no belief that it could get better or that anyone would help me. It was also not having a home, not knowing when I would eat again, not knowing that anyone cared that I was missing, and not being safe. My life was untenable then. Ending it actually made a weird kind of sense.

In my case, people cared and wanted to help. I was wrong about that, and I’m still here, safe and not living in poverty or dealing with abuse. Many people's stories don’t end the same way. I believe it’s because there was no hope, and that lack of hope isn’t always about depression. In 2026, people are losing hope in many ways that have nothing to do with depression, and we should have some honest conversations about how much harm is being done when we take hope away from people.

Sharing - Dolly Parton’s legacy includes an unfortunate reality of caregiving: Not taking care of oneself

New from the Blogs

I'm not sure what the solution to this is. I imagine it is likely some combination of better healthcare resources, better communities, recognizing the need to support caretakers at home and work, etc. What I do know is that romanticizing it won't solve anything. Talking about how Dolly wanted to be with her husband does a disservice to what happened while she was caring for him, and to all the people out there caring for a loved one without nearly the resources she had. They deserve better than platitudes; they deserve real support.

Sharing - Why Trauma Survivors Often Don’t Ask for Help Until It’s Almost Too Late

It’s one thing to encourage trauma survivors to ask for help. It’s quite another to make sure the help available to them won’t make things worse. There are too many unsafe people in this world who would mock, dismiss, or retraumatize survivors. So long as those experiences keep repeating themselves, there is no wonder that survivors don’t ask for help until it’s the absolute last resort. That’s exactly what happened to me, too. I didn’t ask for help; I just kept getting worse until I had no choice but to get help.

That shouldn’t have been necessary.

Worth Reading - Rest Is Part of the Work: Why Recovery Can’t Be Something We Earn

The human body and brain work best when rest and recovery are part of the schedule. It really is that simple. When we constantly try to "earn" the right to rest, we do a disservice to ourselves. It is part of us.

Sharing - Why Trauma Returns Through Sex

Because of this stigma, articles like the one above become rare and important reads. The stories shared in it might feel familiar to you as you read them, or they may help you understand what many survivors of sexual abuse deal with in their lives. When you've been sexually abused, sex and arousal can become very complicated things. That complication shouldn't come with judgment, but we know that it too often does. The judgment doesn't help anyone heal; in fact, it likely does even more harm.

Shared from Elsewhere

I felt every word of this headline. The rest of the article is good, too:

“What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” and Other Stupid Crap People Tell Trauma Survivors

Your almost biweekly reminder about social interactions, and not just because my introverted self needs the reminder - Talk To A Stranger—It’s Good For You. Oddly enough, I spent last week at a professional conference for legal technology, and talked to a bunch of strangers. It was tiring, but did really lift my mental health.

Research shows we underestimate how much other people want to connect.

This was from New Orleans. I don’t think it’s an outlier. - Survey: 1 in 4 Kids Who Needed Mental Health Help Didn’t Get It

This can be a struggle for many survivors, even though I could also argue that the act of surviving what we’ve been through should be proof that you can do it - Do You Believe in Yourself?

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

How We Talk to Ourselves Matters

From the Archives August 28, 2026

Fri, 28 Aug 2026 13:01:18 GMT

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

Many people may not believe this, but it’s true:

At the end of the day, writing here is easy. The only people who read it are people who want to know more about survivors and their stories. I can talk easily about being a survivor without fear that someone will simply wish I hadn't told them that. In real life, it's a bit harder to tell who would want to discuss it and who would rather not.

That was from this post:

Sharing your story

It’s still true. I can’t see your reaction to reading about my abuse; when I tell someone in person, their reaction is right there in front of me. It can be very uncomfortable.

Elsewhere in the archives:

Running on Fumes

The thing is, we come across people running on fumes every day. When we deal with the staff at a coffee shop, restaurant, or store that is massively short-handed, or an office worker who just found out someone in their workplace tested positive for COVID and they're worried about whether they brought it home to the spouse, or child, or even a CEO who is wondering how to keep the business running without losing all of her employees to burnout. We are all, in one way or another, running on fumes, and there isn't enough sugar and caffeine to keep doing this forever.

There is a better way, and the examples can help if we are willing to practice them. I especially like the idea of reminding ourselves that we’ve already been through tougher and more stressful situations and come out the other side.

That’s a powerful reminder for survivors. We have been through worse and come out the other side.

Why Photography is Mental Health Self-Care for Me

Personally, I struggle with mindfulness. My brain tends to move a million miles an hour in six different directions most days. On good days, I can rein it in and focus on one or two things. On bad days, well, it’s chaotic in there. A hobby like photography requires not only focus, but also stilling my brain long enough to notice my surroundings. It’s a kind of forced mindfulness for me because I enjoy taking photos, and getting better at photography is an ongoing lesson in slowing down and paying attention.

I especially enjoy photographing new places and nature. Both require me to move. Photography often prompts me to explore a location, which involves movement. Like a forced mindfulness practice, it’s also a bit of forced exercise that gets you time in nature.

Let’s Talk About Your Friend with Social Anxiety

Someone you know is likely struggling with anxiety. Likely, many of you are, too, just like I am. With general anxiety rampant across society right now, we can also assume that a large portion of social anxiety is going around, too. If you have a friend who has struggled to keep plans or stay in touch, be kind. Recognize their anxiety and take a small action that shows you are happy to see them. For me, it's a sincere hug or smile when I see them. It's an immediate reminder that they want to be with me. There is an undeniable feeling that seeing me makes them happy.

From Victim to Leader

As she described the process of being aware of yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, it really sounded a great deal like doing a bit of therapy. It also made me very aware of the fact that because I had gone through therapy, and years of learning about how my childhood affects my view of the world, I was way ahead of the game in this regard. Most people don't take the time to truly learn about themselves. Survivors who are truly trying to overcome and become more than victims have no choice but to go through this process.

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #197

Fri, 21 Aug 2026 11:54:41 GMT

As of this writing, I’m about halfway through a 16-day trip for work and pleasure. That’s a little more than two weeks living outside of my normal routines.

Photo by American Green Travel on Unsplash

It’s meant a few days in the office, visiting friends, and next week, a large industry conference in Nashville. (I’m even speaking during one of the conference sessions. It’s a lot for an introvert who normally works from home all the time. LOL)

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding them.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

I’m reminded of two things as the trip continues.

The importance of connecting with people. At work, that means meeting with my team, interacting with firm management, and meeting peers that I’ve only seen on screens. In my personal life, it’s about reconnecting with people who are important to me, showing up for them when I’m in town, etc. I’ve enjoyed it, even though my introvert soul is tired at the end of each day. 😏
How difficult it can be to focus when you’re out of your normal routines. We don’t often talk about it, but our routines are what make our day a little easier. The things we just do every day without thinking about it. When those routines disappear, everything gets a little harder. Everything takes a bit more mental energy, and we only have so much.

In this newsletter, you’ll see some links about creating connection, moral fatigue, and how mental health is impacted by more than personal issues. Each of these things has one thing in common: how much being alone and dealing with “all of this” depletes our mental energy. I’m watching that balance play out in my life right now: the extra mental energy of being outside of my normal routine is being offset by the increased mental energy created through connection and belonging.

It’s all necessary.

How are you protecting your mental energy, or creating more?

Sharing - Early intervention for mental health conditions can prevent escalation

New from the Blogs

We could make a massive improvement in society's mental health by getting involved earlier, but we somehow continue to do very little and hope it won't get worse.

Related to the above - A family guide to early mental health intervention

Sharing - Good News for Sports Fans—Watching the Game Could Actually Boost Your Mental Health

It makes sense; sports can become a community, and we know how much that can benefit our mental health

Sharing - Mentally, are young people really worse off? Or are they better at admitting they’re struggling?

Today, young people are more likely to report it. This is a good thing, but it raises the question of whether the increases are real or whether people are simply more likely to report struggling. This report makes it clear that while that explains some of the rising rates, it’s not the complete picture. The complete picture is that young people are struggling more.

So how do we make sure they can get the help they need?

Worth Reading - Do employees feel comfortable talking to HR about mental health?

There's that word, trust, again. Your employees aren't going to talk to you about their mental health; they are not going to use your employee assistance program, and they're not going to ask for the things that might help them be successful at work because they don't trust you.

Shared from Elsewhere

Moral Fatigue in the Age of Advanced Information: Understanding, Surviving, and Responding

This is the plan some people have for us:

Moral fatigue, while less formally defined in clinical literature, is a related phenomenon referring to exhaustion arising from chronic exposure to moral conflict, injustice, and ethical dilemmas. When individuals are continually confronted with situations that violate deeply held values—racism, violence, democracy crises, human rights abuses—without clear solutions or outcomes, they can experience moral distress and numbing.

Mental Health Challenges: Meditate or Medicate?

This is true:

While medication is not for everyone, neither is meditation. The key element is self-awareness and having a trusted guide. The goal is not to prove our strength through unnecessary suffering. The goal is to heal.

We’ve been talking a lot about this - Mental Health Is More Than a Personal Matter

We’ve also talked about ACE scores; the number of adverse childhood experiences someone survives, but now it looks like there may be one that makes a huge difference on its own - Parental loss doubles children’s risk of mental health disorders

This seems familiar:

Healing Out Loud

The Story My Brain Creates

Thanks for reading Healing Out Loud! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work…

2 months ago · 1 like · 2 comments · Dawn Lackey

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

Daisy Coleman Found Her Voice, But Her Struggle Didn’t Stop

From the Archives Aug. 14, 2026

Fri, 14 Aug 2026 11:19:37 GMT

Photo by dianne clifford on Unsplash

Six years ago, I wrote a piece about Daisy Coleman’s death that has become an annual reminder to me that what we see as “healed” can often not mean anything a few days later. That healing is not a linear path with a finish line.

I want to share that reminder with you:

When the news of Daisy’s death broke, I didn’t say anything about it. I, admittedly, was not all that familiar with her story, nor had I seen the documentary. I did some reading on her and her story, and was going to leave it there, but a coincidence pushed me to write about it today.

During Tuesday night’s #SexAbuseChat on Twitter, the topic for the evening was about self-blame, and I picked up on a tangent involving the courts and how many survivors, and others, assume that we can heal by getting justice.

It has always bothered me when media reports talk about how survivors can’t heal until “justice” is done in the courts, nope, healing cannot be tied to that, it has to come from ourselves. If you can get court justice, great, but don’t wait for it to start healing. #SexAbuseChat
— Child Abuse Survivor (@CA_Survivor) August 12, 2020

Obviously, I don’t agree, and I’ve said so myself here previously:

Regardless of what happens in the legal system, healing is possible. The two are not tied at the hip. The justice system is about a lot of other people. It’s about what evidence exists, it’s about the decisions of judges, prosecutors, and juries. It’s about whether the abuser is even alive to have some sort of decision made against them.
Healing is about the survivor, and only the survivor. That journey is yours alone, and is not dependent on what other people or systems do. It is only about the work you put in, and whatever resources you may choose to help with that journey.

The issue that I was trying to identify at the time was that leaving a survivor dependent on the justice system for healing meant relying on a whole lot of things going right, which probably won’t go right. Thus, we need to focus on healing first and foremost, and whatever happens in the justice system will happen.

Which brings us to Daisy. She did not get her justice from the court system; quite the opposite. But she did something else that many assume is a sign of “being healed”: she found her voice. She told her story; she had a movie made where she could speak her truth to the whole world. Surely, that is healed, right?

As we now know, that probably wasn’t the case. I assume that many people who watched that documentary went on to become fans of Daisy, admiring her for having the courage to tell her story, happy for her that she was able to overcome, but that had nothing to do with the reality of what surviving actually is.

The coincidence that I spoke of came this morning, when I popped over to Twitter during a quick coffee break, and saw Rachel Denhollander, another survivor who’s made an appearance in a documentary, Athlete A, on her involvement with the Larry Nasser case, talking about this article:

Daisy Coleman’s Death Lays Bare the Myth of ‘Surviving

The very nature of PTSD means that the body is locked in a prolonged state of fight-or-flight response, playing out the trauma in fits and starts. Even the term survivor is inefficient, indicating that the person who has experienced sexual violence experienced it in the past and survived—not that they are currently surviving, day-to-day, an experience that is still happening irrespective of the actual date of the violence.

Now, the article also talks a lot about how the justice system failed Daisy, but again, I don’t think that’s the point. Even if she had been believed and her rapist put in jail, she would still be dealing with the trauma. Real-life sexual assault is not a criminal procedure TV show, where they reach a verdict at the end of the hour and that’s it. That’s not how any of this works. In fact, I thought what Rachel had to say about the women who found their voice at Larry Nassar’s hearing was powerful, and so I want to simply give her the last word on this.

I saw something very different. I looked at this precious group of sisters I never thought I’d meet, and wondered if we’d find ourselves missing some of us, a few years later. And we almost have - many times - lost one of us. I saw what was coming when the moment of triumph left.
— Rachael Denhollander (@R_Denhollander) August 12, 2020

Elsewhere in the archives:

The Cast

When I surround myself with negative, toxic people, trying to be a better person can be ridiculously difficult. It adds yet another hurdle to healing. On the other hand, when I'm surrounded by positive, encouraging people, not only do I have the support I need, but I also have people whom I want to emulate. I see examples of thoughtfulness, kindness, and caring that I can learn from. I see work ethic and attitudes that I want to have myself.

There’s No Magic Pill

Anyone who suggests there is a simple solution to the mental health problem facing us as a country and the world is not to be taken seriously.

An example of the path to healing being long

What I want my readers to pay attention to is that they list 13 stages. Expecting to go from deciding to start to "Resolution" is not going to be a matter of weeks or a few months. The other thing I want to add to what they've said is that it's not a straight path either. I took a long look at their list and identified a couple that I don't necessarily identify as part of my healing. More importantly, I identified some stages that I went through multiple times.

What We Expect

As a survivor, I'm reminded all the time that just because I spent much of my childhood dealing with bad things, it doesn't mean that I should expect everything to always go badly. Yes, my experience tells me that everyone is out to hurt me, and I should definitely be careful with who I trust, but there are people in the world who are not trying to abuse me. Also, if I spend my whole adult life looking for bad things to support my cognitive dissonance about what happens in my life, I'll be very unlikely to notice the good things around me. I won't allow people to get close to me; I won't be able to enjoy positive things, and I will spend my adult life simply waiting for something bad to happen. If that's what my adult life looks like, it's not healing.

Sharing - Thinking About Reaching Out to Someone? Science Says Do It

We're not very good at knowing what makes us happy. Perhaps more importantly, we're not very good at recognizing the mental health benefits of being connected to other people in small ways. Those little connections can make a huge difference.

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #196

Fri, 07 Aug 2026 12:07:40 GMT

Photo by Luke Michael on Unsplash

This headline kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Depression, Loneliness, and Memory Problems Are Worse In Middle Age, But Only in America

Arizona State University psychologist Frank Infurna has been researching this topic extensively and explains the uniquely American societal forces that are contributing to us being generally more miserable. It’s a lot of things beyond an individuals’ control: unstable job market, expensive health insurance tied to those unstable jobs, out of control housing and childcare costs, as well as current middle-agers being part of a sandwich generation. They often have to manage and fund expensive and complex eldercare for their parents while also helping their children make their way in a challenging world. Frank offers thoughts on what we can and cannot do about all this.

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding them.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

It’s an interesting conversation, and it harkens back to things I’ve shared many times. We can’t talk about mental health without talking about the societal and economic factors that impact it.

It’s not helpful to tell someone to exercise when they’re anxious about not being able to afford rent or feed their families.

When only one country has an increasing rate of mental health issues in middle age, it’s time to start looking at what we’re doing wrong instead of making it something for an individual to solve for themselves.

When we fail to protect people from predators

New from the Blogs

At the end of the day, if we can’t keep the separated spouse of a person under investigation for sexually assaulting and grooming an underage girl safe, what chance do most victims have?

And, maybe more importantly, why should anyone trust any adult with their kids, or themselves? There’s no one coming to save you if things turn violent. Our system is woefully incompetent at that.

Sharing - Why Young People are Using AI for Emotional Support

It turns out that young people aren't just being silly when they use AI to help with their mental health. They get real benefits from it, despite all the risks that come along with those benefits.

Sharing - Trauma survivors process angry expressions differently on a subconscious level

This doesn’t surprise me. Growing up in an abusive situation taught me to be on the lookout for danger, and nothing was more dangerous than people on the verge of being angry. It’s only natural that I’ve spent the rest of my life highly attuned to anger and trying to find ways to diffuse it before they hurt me or someone else.

Now we can show that it’s not just a learned behavior, but it’s hard-coded into our brains.

Sharing - New research challenges the idea that memories of childhood maltreatment can’t be trusted

The takeaway, of course, is that we should believe survivors when they talk about their trauma; they do know what they are talking about. Secondly, maybe we should stop trying to convince ourselves that young children will move past it and likely not even remember it when they’re an adult.

That’s not how trauma works.

Shared from Elsewhere

Healing is possible but not simple - Healing After Suffering: Find Yourself After Loss or Trauma

Do you color for your mental health? - Coloring’s Impact on Mental Health and Well-Being

Also, this - Arts Engagement in Trauma Recovery Can Benefit Mental Health

I remember having a conversation with my therapist about my parents years ago. Her answer was to remind me that I could make my own decision about what I owed them and what kind of relationship I wanted to have with them going forward. I didn’t cut them off completely, but we were never close, and that was my choice.

I think many people who blame therapists don’t understand how many people have never been given permission to decide that for themselves, and when they finally give themselves permission, they find that their family isn’t worth being involved with.

That’s not the therapist’s fault:

Lauren Krouse

We're getting the estrangement conversation wrong again (it's not the therapists)

Every few months, there is another think piece, sweeping feature, or primetime special circling around the same theme: estrangement. Rarely is the focus on legitimate reasons why people, usually adult children, estrange: abuse, neglect, major values differences, and rejection…

3 months ago · 6 likes · Lauren Krouse

When mental healthcare is unavailable, it’s more dangerous for everyone - How Community Safety is Grounded in Access to Mental Healthcare

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

Another Reminder - Just Because Something Works for Others, Does Not Mean It’ll Work For You

From the Archives - July 31, 2026

Fri, 31 Jul 2026 13:15:12 GMT

Photo by Mariia Shalabaieva on Unsplash

Sharing Responsibly

Think before you post or share anything on social media. Consider what you are distributing and whether it enhances the lives of those who follow you.

If Mindfulness is something that helps you, great. If it doesn’t, don’t beat yourself up over that fact, or continue a practice that is actually causing harm. That makes no sense at all. Just accept that it’s not for you, and hopefully, the people around us who are pushing it as the cure-all, especially the ones trying to sell it to you, can learn to accept that too.

You’re a Survivor and More

The "I'm a child abuse survivor" story is one that many survivors need to tell and need to give voice to; there is no doubt about that, but it's also not the complete picture of who we are. One of the things I have always set out to do is highlight other survivors on the web, because I want people to understand the broad spectrum of survivors that exist. If there were only one narrative to be told, I wouldn't bother with that. But there isn't one narrative about abuse survivors; there are millions of them, and the stories come from all types of people in all walks of life. That's precisely the point. Surviving childhood abuse is a hugely significant thing, but overcoming that and healing from it requires working on the rest of your stories. The stories you tell yourself define who you are today. Are you just a survivor, or are you more?

Does Childhood Trauma Disrupt Our Storytelling Abilities?

We know that the folks who get to the quickest and best healthcare are the ones who come in with details like what is wrong, how long it's been going on, what happened previously to an illness or injury, etc. Trauma survivors typically struggle with exactly that.

Sharing - Peer-on-Peer Abuse: What can be done when kids hurt kids?

There’s no real difference. I should know. I was sexually abused by an older minor. There was no creepy old man, only an older and bigger kid who threatened me. Someone in my own family. Mall parking lots, school, and our neighborhood park weren’t the places where I was not safe; my family was.

And I had no way to tell anyone because I wasn’t taught about that being child abuse. Only strange men in white vans offering candy were to be avoided. That was child abuse. Whatever was happening in my family wasn’t to be discussed with anyone. It wasn’t, and it went on for years.

Thanks for reading! This post is public, so feel free to share it.

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #195

Fri, 24 Jul 2026 13:07:45 GMT

If you’re new here, or even if you’ve been reading for years, I want to ask you a favor.

This newsletter, which was born out of the website that started 25 years ago this Autumn, has always been free. The website has always been ad-free, and all of the work I’ve put in over the years has been voluntary.

I’ve never wanted to get paid for writing and sharing important information. Knowing that somewhere, a survivor or someone dealing with mental health issues had one place where they could know they are not alone was all I ever wanted in return.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to start asking for money.

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding them.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

Because I make no money from any of this work- in fact, I spend money to keep up the website at my own expense- the budget for spreading the word through online advertising or sponsorships is $0.00.

That means the only way people hear about it is from you. When you share the newsletter, the website, or even an individual post with your own circles of friends, online audiences, family members, or even one person you think it might help, you are the marketing team. You’re helping this little newsletter reach people that I have no way to reach.

Do you know someone who needs to know they aren’t alone right now? Share this with them. Remind them that there are others out here who’ve been abused and survived, been at the lowest depths of depression and came through it, and that he’s also sharing stories from plenty of others who’ve done the same.

Thank you for being my street team.

Sharing - Why We Remain Silent

New from the Blogs

That’s sometimes the price we pay for speaking out. It’s not an easy price to pay, but let’s not kid ourselves that it doesn’t exist.

It exists, and as long as it does, there will remain thousands upon thousands of people out there who never talk about their abuse, but still need some of us out here talking so they know they are not alone.

Reviews Elsewhere - Capable: How to Teach Your Kids the Strengths, Skills, and Strategies to Build Resilience

Resilience comes from the confidence that, even if things go horribly wrong, you'll still be here, moving on. What I think young people are missing today is examples of that. One, because we don't like to talk about the 100 times we struggled with something before figuring it out, but also because we live in a society that mocks people who try and fail at anything. When we go online, how often do we see the perfect finished product rather than the failures someone lived through to get there? And, even if someone shows the failures, how often is the comments section filled with mockery?

Sharing - National rollout of a brief suicide prevention program for veterans shows high success rates

When I struggled with ideation, it was the overwhelming feeling that I'd never get through it and no one would care that drove it. This process seems like the kind of thing that would have gotten me to a better place much quicker. I eventually found what helped and the people who knew what to do, but it was a struggle. Having a trained professional guide me through creating that plan while I was in the hospital for an illness would have jump-started that process.

Worth Reading - Corporate America spends billions on mental health services. 97% never use it.

The combination of the stigma of calling in the first place, along with a program that doesn’t meet the needs, means 97% of people won’t bother with it. We should be looking at alternatives, for sure.

Shared from Elsewhere

You might want to keep this handy - How to check in with teens about mental health: A template for parents

Related, for those of you with adult children: What Supporting an Adult Child with Mental Illness Looks Like

The Good Men Project’s Substack

Silence Is Killing Us

Leigh Doughty…

3 months ago · 12 likes · 7 comments · The Good Men Project

Even more research on a topic we’ve covered many times:

Loneliness Directly Causes Poor Mental Health

Sometimes, but how can you tell the good sources from the bad ones? Can You Trust the Mental Health Advice You’re Reading?

This is a solid point - You Don’t Have to Be Falling Apart to Start Therapy

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

Don’t Get Distracted - Big Problems Require Big Solutions, not Simple Ones

From the Archives - July 17, 2026

Fri, 17 Jul 2026 12:34:08 GMT

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

To believe we can solve the teen mental health crisis by forcing kids off social media and doing nothing about all these other things is foolish.

It’s All So Toxic

Of course, one of the telltale signs of depression and unhealthy responses to trauma, like abuse, is overly black-and-white thinking. Going to extremes, if you will. So, it's easy for many of us to fall into these toxic traps. It's easy to think that we should feel shame about what happened to us or that we can somehow rid ourselves of that shame and anger by simply refusing to do anything but be positive. But neither one of these is real healing. Real healing, like real emotions and real people, is messier than that.

Sharing - Stigma is Killing Us

There’s simply no way you don’t know people struggling right now. Whether you want to consider the levels of anxiety and depression a disorder or a natural reaction to the state of the world today, we would all do well with more compassion and grace.

A lot more. People are dying without it.

Quick Thought #9 - Trauma Recovery and Connection

I've often talked about the importance of connection. It's been mentioned in regard to suicide prevention, depression treatment, child trauma recovery, and just about everywhere else that we talk about mental health issues and abuse. There's a reason for that. It's much easier to feel hopeful about ourselves and the future when we know we're not alone.

Our Messy Character

Read that again. “Everybody assumes that other people are far more observant than they really are.”

Now, think about how much time we spend worrying about how we appear to other people who are not as observant as we think they are.

Sometimes We Just Need Someone to Just Listen

It's not therapy, and it won't fix everything, but as he says, "When you listen to someone, you let them know I value you".

Question for you: how will you show someone you value them today?

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #194

Fri, 10 Jul 2026 12:53:11 GMT

Photo by 2H Media on Unsplash

I don’t know if this is the calendar flipping to July or just random luck, but lately it seems like I’ve been coming across more and more posts sharing a bunch of resources.

I’m not mad at it.

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

Sharing - Don’t look away: Have a conversation about online safety today

The reality is, we all need access to good information and resources. So, in that vein, I’m changing up the newsletter format a bit this time around to start by highlighting some of the new resources I’ve found in the last two weeks.

Resources

This resource seems like something worth sharing. We spend so much time talking about online safety, banning phones until a certain age, or banning social media, and not enough time making sure we prepare kids for the dangers of being online at all. It’s like banning a child from leaving the house without a parent and then sending them to school with no skills for navigating other people on their own. At some point, kids learning about appropriate and inappropriate behavior and having a safe place to talk about it have to be the priority.

Sharing - How Everyday Decisions Can Protect Children

These actions aren't just specific actions that protect children; they're the kinds of actions that come naturally when kids have an adult actively involved in their lives every day, the kind of involvement that would notice a nervous pause before answering, an odd comment that seems out of character, a small detail in a story about other people.

Sharing - Child Abuse Prevention In America (videos & articles)

And, for survivors, Resources for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

This is also a good time to remind you that there’s an app built into my page to help you find a helpline wherever you are located:

https://www.childabusesurvivor.net/reviews/find-help/

Shared from Elsewhere

Have We Considered that it’s not Remote Work that Causes Mental Health Issues, but a Culture That Makes it Harder?

We could create a workplace where people could work from the coffee shop and interact with other humans in person. Where they didn’t spend so much time working that they could use that saved commute time to attend community events. We just don’t. Instead, we expect remote workers to be available all the time; we tie them up in meetings for 5-6 hours a day because that’s how we “keep an eye” on them, and still expect them to hit all their deliverables.

This is some interesting research, showing the possibility that there’s a difference in how the brain handles trauma as a small child versus as a teen. Both are damaging, but the damage is different. - Age at which childhood abuse occurs is associated with distinct brain activity in adulthood

Things are never as easy as some people would like you to believe when they are selling explanations:

Granted

There’s More to the Mental Health Crisis Than Smartphones and Social Media

In the past few years, parents and teachers have become acutely aware of the risks of smartphones and social media to young people. I’m glad to see schools banning smartphones; I was thrilled to see Australia set 16 as the minimum age for social media and I hope many countries will follow that lead. But protecting kids digitally isn’t enough to protect …

4 months ago · 1013 likes · 92 comments · Adam Grant

Interesting thing to ponder: Feeling summertime sadness? Seasonal affective disorder is not just a winter thing

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

Sharing - The Best Way to Reduce Anxiety Is to Make Your Brain Feel Safe

From the Archives - July 3, 2026

Fri, 03 Jul 2026 12:58:02 GMT

July 3 may be a day off for many of my US readers. It is for me, too. It’s the long Independence Day weekend, and the US is celebrating its 250th year of independence. I was alive in 1976 for the Bicentennial. I was a child, but I have some vague memories of it; mostly, it’s an impression that 1976 was more of a celebration than 2026 is, and just maybe that’s a sign of how hard life has become for many.

That’s not the point I want to make, though. July 4th is also my birthday. That means sometimes my feelings about my own birthday are tied up in my feelings about the country. This year, it’s less about the country and more about 2019. When I spent my birthday flying home from my mother’s funeral.

A colleague recently lost her mother, so it’s been on my mind. It’s a reminder that even when there’s a holiday, not everyone will be celebrating. We all have our own stories and our own grief. I doubt that anyone on that flight knew that we were not holiday travelers, but funeral travelers.

We don’t always know what someone else is going through, and it’s best to never assume we do. It’s also best, in the midst of that kind of pain, to never assume that we are alone in it. We don’t talk about it, but many of us share it. There’s comfort in knowing that.

Survivor - Know Thyself

As a survivor, I'm reminded that the most important thing you can do to help yourself heal is to know yourself. It's easy for me to sit here and write about what has worked for me, or what has helped, but it might not be all that helpful for you. We're different people, with different issues, and different responses to what happened to us as children. It would only make sense that what helps us would be somewhat different as well.

So, before we start recommending exercise, mindfulness, etc., can we take a moment to ensure people's safety? It's the literal minimum we should offer before we start lecturing on how to make your brain feel safer.

How We Make It Harder For Kids to Tell

So, how is running around talking about how anyone who abuses a child deserves to be killed in horrible ways going to help a child feel safe and secure about telling? Are we not handing an abuser a manipulation tool to be used against our own kids? (”Look, if you tell, your parents will kill me, and you don’t want to be the cause of someone’s death, do you?”)

Leaving an Impression - Lessons from Otis Redding

What if you did know this was the last time you would get to talk to someone? What would you want them to know? What would you want to say to them?

Leave them with an impression that lasts a lifetime, just in case it needs to.

Sharing - Simple social rituals like eye contact and small talk are psychologically powerful

If you’re like me and don’t want to engage in lengthy conversations with strangers, this article is good news. Even small connections- a smile, a nod, or a pleasant “hello,” have mental health benefits.

It might also remind us of the humanity of the people around us. There are worse things.

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #193

Fri, 26 Jun 2026 12:07:03 GMT

Albuquerque Botanic Garden - by Mike McBride

This week was my return to work after a 10-day vacation. We toured New Mexico, saw some great views, like the one above, ate some great food, had long conversations while driving across Texas, soaking in hot springs, or waiting out a thunderstorm at the top of Sandia Peak. We disconnected from work, connected with each other, and did all the things that are good for our mental health.

Then we came home.

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

I suspected that coming home would mean diving back into work, with a pile of work to catch up on, a bunch of people who have been waiting for me to get back to ambush me with questions and demands, etc.

What I did not expect was the ambush we came home to on Sunday.

The A/C was out.

The freezer had also gone dead, leaving a pile of defrosted items to be thrown away.

There’s no telling how long either of those things had been out. We live in Louisiana; it’s June, and our house was 85°F in the early evening. The AC repair didn’t happen until Monday evening. I work from home. It was not only a day of catching up but also very uncomfortable as I waited for the repairman.

The new freezer/refrigerator arrived on Tuesday.

All that stress relief from vacation, gone in no time at all.

But we’re lucky. We have the resources to go on vacation, we had the resources to replace our fridge, and we rent, so the A/C repair was someone else’s bill to pay.

I can’t imagine how much more stressful and harmful to our mental health it would have been to not have those resources. That’s something you’ll see come up in a couple of the links below. How impactful economic difficulties can be, and how, when we don’t create solutions to poverty, food insecurity, etc, we are harming the mental health of millions of people.

Yes, I said we are harming them. While we talk about the mental health impacts of social media or smartphones, we’ll ignore all the research that shows us how damaging poverty is to our mental health. And we’ll continue to blame poor people for being poor and harming their own mental health.

We’ve learned nothing.

Sharing - Mental health is not an individual matter, but a political one

New from the Blogs

It’s not that we shouldn’t look at the individual cases; we should. But we have to address the systemic harm done to mental health by these issues. We have to stop pretending that economic issues don’t create mental health risks and ignore the real harm we do when we do nothing to lift people out of poverty or end racism and economic deprivation beyond calling anyone who wants to do those things a socialist.

It’s not working. It’s not solving the real problem.

Sharing - Why We Oversimplify Psychology

As Whitney says, and I agree, the real work is in the complexities. That goes for our own mental health issues, healing from abuse, and social issues regarding these topics. We aren't going to solve the mental health crisis by getting people to exercise more. It might help some people, but that one explanation will not work for everyone. We are all much more complex than that simple "fix" would lead us to believe, but believing it reduces the cognitive load of figuring out how to help millions of individuals. Get more exercise, or get off social media, are well-meaning bits of advice, but the mental health crisis in the US is more complicated than that. We need programs that reduce financial insecurity, violence, and hatred and offer support for all the various ways we've all been traumatized in our lifetimes.

Worth Reading - Hiding who you are can have real effects on your mental health

When businesses tell people to keep their identity out of the workplace, they are causing mental health harm. Period.

The effort to hide, the message that they should be ashamed of who they are because coworkers are uncomfortable, isn’t just about being kind; it’s a real workplace mental health issue. The question isn’t about whether it causes harm; it’s about whether you, as an employer, care that you are causing harm.

Shared from Elsewhere

I shared some articles like this in the last edition, so add this to your list - Supporting someone you care about who has depression

Even if you’re not very good and never show it to anyone - The Mental Health Benefits of Having a Creative Outlet — Even If You Don’t Feel Like a “Creative”

This is a little late, since Father’s Day was last weekend, but the message still matters:

The Good Men Project’s Substack

Father's Day Isn't For Everyone

Bob Mueller…

4 months ago · 6 likes · 1 comment · The Good Men Project

More research out of Australia - Adverse childhood experiences have long-term impacts on men’s mental health.

Your Story Matters | Branon Dempsey

(Video + Article) Why Don’t Men Open Up?

How can men talk about work, sports, and the weather, but not talk about what hurts…

4 months ago · Your Story Matters

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

Why We All Need a Wide Support Network

From the Archives June 19, 2026

Fri, 19 Jun 2026 12:47:44 GMT

I’ve been on vacation this week, traveling around and focusing on seeing and learning new things while we tour New Mexico. It’s always an interesting reminder to visit a museum and see the same phrases used to excuse behavior from hundreds of years ago that are still used today.

But, rather than becoming a political newsletter, let me just share this:

The simple answer is that no one person can do everything for us.

Why Our Stories Matter

So please, even if you don't want to share your story yet, you never know who you might help by spreading the word about others who do. It helps to know that we are not alone.

It’s Amazing What You Get Used To

When Nedra talks about growing up in an alcoholic family, naturally, that was something that resonated with me. Growing up, my father was an alcoholic. It was normal for me to fear your father, especially when they’d been drinking. It was normal for there to be violence at home. It was normal for children to be physically attacked for as little as making too much noise.

Perhaps worst of all, it was also normal to keep it all secret, not to share what happens at home with anyone outside the immediate family.

This made it all the easier for the sexual abuse I suffered later to be kept secret.

The World Keeps Turning

Children being abused have this whole process short-circuited. They do not grasp the big picture and their place in it. They only know what is right in front of them. That's why it is so difficult for survivors to truly understand that what happened was not their fault. Because we haven't learned that other people make choices and do things that are not based on our behavior. We don't grow up understanding our place in the world, so we don't understand that not everything that happens is happening because of us.

Sharing - Why I Stayed Silent

You - “I got jumped by someone with a weapon who stole my car.”

Them - “That sucks, what did the police say? Do they think they can catch them?”

Compare that to the conversations too many victims of sexual assault have:

You - “I was sexually assaulted.” Followed by some details of where and who did it.

Them - “Are you sure it wasn’t just a misunderstanding? What were you wearing? Were you drinking? If you don’t remember every detail, maybe it didn’t happen.”

Then, we wonder why these crimes go mostly unreported.

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #192

Fri, 12 Jun 2026 12:54:24 GMT

Photo by Will Francis on Unsplash

As it turns out, while there are a number of well-known podcasts telling me to man up and quit complaining about mental health, there might also be a number helping

Despite toxic reputation, our research shows podcasts can help men’s mental health

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

I haven’t been listening to a lot of podcasts lately. Not necessarily because of the reputational hit they’ve taken from all the “dude with a podcast” bros, but because my life has been busy and I haven’t set aside much time for it.

Do you listen to any podcasts that have been helpful for your mental health?

Please share your recommendations

Sharing - When Your Body Won’t Let You Act

New from the Blogs

This is why that quote above rang true for me. You can’t act rationally if acting doesn’t feel safe, and many of us grew up never feeling safe. To our mind, staying silent and still was the rational choice. Doing something different could have been more dangerous. It was also the natural reaction because we were simply overwhelmed.

Sharing - The Youth Mental Health Crisis Has a Deeper Cause Than Social Media

The kids and phones thing was always an easy excuse, but the real mental health issue is much more complicated:

Sharing - Listening to Survivors: What Our Survey Is Telling Us

As a survivor of childhood abuse, I don't know if these being in place would have changed whether I reported it. For many of us, where abuse happens within the family, that's a very complex question. What I do know is that those three things did not appear to exist, and that guaranteed I would not tell anyone about it until I was an adult, let alone report it.

Shared from Elsewhere

Starting conversations with people at the office, in the coffee shop, at lunch - The mental health benefit of striking up conversations with strangers

Ways to help:

Remember, simple answers for mental health issues don’t exist: Youth-led book on social media and mental health highlights a complex mix of harms and supports

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t find the world to be overwhelming right now - How to Protect Your Mental Health in an Overwhelming World

I think this is true; the path forward to healing depends on us knowing something about ourselves:

Emotional Self-Awareness | How to Heal Better & Find Freedom

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.

Reasons I Didn’t Tell Anyone I was Being Sexually Abused

From the Archives - June 5, 2026

Fri, 05 Jun 2026 12:55:26 GMT

Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

That's why when people approach me with ideas for how to prevent childhood sexual abuse, the only two things I focus on are education and honesty. I didn't even know I was being abused because I lacked any education, and I didn't talk to anyone because there were no safe adults for me to talk to.

How to Protect Kids from Predators Without a Need For New Laws

Cecil's post is specifically talking about situations where kids who were already being abused were easy targets, as if they were wearing a sign, but it goes deeper than that. Kids who are "defenseless and lonely", kids with no stable family to turn to, kids starved for any kindness or attention, are the kinds of kids that predators look for. They are the ones who can be manipulated, have no one to confide in, and are vulnerable. If we really wanted to do the hard work of protecting children from predators, and in turn also raise adults less likely to be victimized as well, we'd do everything we can to make sure we do not raise kids who are walking around wearing such signs.

I am Who I am Despite the Abuse, Not Because of It!

There was no gift involved in child abuse, no silver lining, and no reason for it to happen. It was abuse inflicted on me by another person. Period. That experience is part of me, but not nearly the sum of who I am. I refuse to let anyone define me that narrowly.

The post I’m not supposed to write – how we are silencing victims

We blame the very people who have suffered the most for upsetting the nice little world we've made up in our heads, and we dare to talk about that being about safety.

Even The Little Things Are Too Much

I think anyone who has ever suffered from depression can recall those days. The days when you really just get overwhelmed by the smallest little thing, and then feel like a failure because you couldn't even do that little thing without getting overwhelmed, which leads to feeling even more overwhelmed, and so on and so on.

Child Abuse Survivor - Issue #191

Fri, 29 May 2026 13:03:45 GMT

Photo by Jakub Kriz on Unsplash

A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of leading a conversation about stress and anxiety at work, specifically in the legal industry.

I was asked about AI, technological change, the uncertainty surrounding us at work these days, and how to deal with it.

Part of my answer concerned being a leader and how to help your team.

Thank you for reading the Child Abuse and Mental Health Survivors newsletter. Each week, I share new blog posts and other resources that aim to help survivors of childhood abuse and those who are struggling with mental health issues feel less alone as we discuss the issues surrounding our issues.

For more information about me and why this newsletter exists, visit the website, Child Abuse Survivor.

My advice to leaders was simple: You have to provide as much certainty as you can. That means communicating, setting clear expectations and priorities, and generally creating certainty about your team’s role and their work wherever you can.

Which also made me think about our relationships outside of work. The world is full of uncertainty. If you really want to have a positive impact on the lives of the people you care about, provide certainty. Leave them no doubt about how much they mean to you, be dependable, be the source of certainty. It might make all the difference.

How could we provide certainty for everyone facing so much uncertainty elsewhere in their lives?

Sharing - Starting the conversation

New from the Blogs

How often do we wait until we have the answers, or jump into problem-solving mode when someone admits to struggling, when all they need is to know you care? In my opinion, we'd do each other a huge favor if instead of trying to learn how to solve someone's struggles, we spent more time learning how to care for one another.

Sharing - Not Just Social Isolation: Loneliness Comes in Many Forms

It is true that people with plenty of social skills and social contacts can still be lonely. As a survivor, I recognize this in things like the small number of people we can talk to comfortably about our abuse, our healing, etc. At various times in my life, I've had a lot of friends and was very social. I was still lonely. Because no one saw all of me. No one sat with me in my pain. I kept it hidden from everyone. That's lonely.

Sharing - What does it actually mean to be safe?

The logical part of my brain knows that I'm safe. The part that learned how to be hyperalert is busy making sure I stay that way. It never stopped looking for danger. I doubt it ever will. I don't consider that something wrong with me, but it is something I have had to learn to live with.

Sharing - The Mental Health Conversation We Keep Having Is Missing the Most Important Part — and It Is Costing Lives

And this is the core. Mental Health awareness is great, but the political will to solve some of the core issues that lead to increased mental health difficulty doesn't exist. There is ample evidence that poverty, domestic abuse, bigotry, harassment, etc., lead to higher numbers of people struggling with their mental health, and we do nothing to prevent that.

Shared from Elsewhere

The evidence seems to indicate that this is a yes. - Can stronger social connections really help reduce depression?

But, also, even small social interactions help - The mental health benefit of striking up conversations with strangers

One of the hardest things to do is be alone with your own mind when you have anxiety - Time Alone | How to Deepen Self-Discovery with Solitude

Trauma to Strength

My Brain Never Learned the Fight Was Over

I was fighting with someone I’d arrested for domestic assault in the back of the police car. My colleague was in the victim’s house taking a statement. I’d handcuffed the suspect to the front (sadly common in the UK), and he’d hit me in the face several times with the cuffs. My assailant pinned me against the back door and started kicking me. I couldn’t…

5 months ago · 24 likes · 17 comments · Leon Macfayden

Some recommendations:

This is key - To improve children’s mental health, start by supporting their parents

Trauma At Work

Where Trauma Awareness Falls Short

Recovery from trauma is possible. Trauma awareness risks focusing too much on the problem and not enough on the solution…

5 months ago · 4 likes · 2 comments · Adina Dinu

Making a Difference:

Thanks for reading. If you find this newsletter informative and helpful, please share it with others. That’s the best way to express gratitude for my weekly efforts.